English Novel THE SIN

THE SIN

(Distant Mountain Publication)

The Sin

Iswar Chandra Nayak

THE SIN (A NOVEL)

By Iswar Chandra Nayak

Publisher: Durapahada Publications

(Distant Mountain Publications)

At: Bangurush Patna, Po: Bhanapur, Via- Rench

Dist: Puri-752114

Mob: 7978903055

Cover: Achintya Nayak

Second Edition: 2020

Price: ₹200/-

The Sin (Novel)

Iswar Chandra Nayak

Cover page graphics: Manmohan Sahoo   

Copyright @ 2015 by author

Any part of this e-book cannot be published in physical printed book format without prior permission from author.

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   This says sin. That says sin. Some other says heinous sin! Here is sin. There is sin. Everywhere is sin. Really what this sin is! What this sin does, what this sin does not. Where does this sin come from, where does this sin go, where does this sin rest? Like these, still many questions are indistinct.

   The character of a woman in the Indian culture is novel. Though the terrible infliction of westernization in the attributes of Indian woman at present is prominent, still there are certain women seen in the Indian society who think the coital relationship of a married woman with a man other than her husband is a sin. This novel’s background rests on the affinity between such a modern women with a married man.

   Although the woman has wrapped up with the brilliance of modernity, after falling in love with a married man, she has been deceiving the same fellow by saying coital relationship is a sin. The married man has tried a number of times to change the definition of ‘sin’ from his lovers mind but lastly has failed. Accidentally the married man comes across a character whose life has become a burden for him with the definition of this word ‘sin’. He has taught the story of that character to his lover. Nevertheless, she is firm in her argument and she has not changed. At last, perhaps it is to know, what has the knot of definition about ‘sin, in his lovers mind done…?   

Iswar Chandra Nayak     

-o-

                                       

I

   It is ten o’clock in the morning. Opening the gate, Shibani with her father entered into the publishing house where Anup works. On reception desk, Shibani handed over her appointment letter to the receptionist and she with her father sat on the sofa nearby. Receptionist calls someone up and takes both of them to the chambers of Mr. R.S. Sharma. She makes an obeisance to Mr. Sharma and her father does the same. Mr. Sharma tells them to sit and orders the peon to bring tea for them.

   The age of Mr.Sharma is about fifty years. He is very popular as an editor of books and magazines in national level.

‘Do not hesitate. Your daughter will be very fine here and her future will be very bright.’ In course of conversation, Mr. Sharma tells to Shibani’s father.

   Mr. Sharma is also very sober and a good mannered person. Although he is not able to talk in odia fluently, he writes and understands very good odia very clearly.

‘Sir, it does not matter. Nevertheless, mine daughter’s fate is now reeling under a serious time. She has a two years son. Unexpectedly her husband faced a severe accident in which one of her leg has been fully fractured and he is now bed ridden’ with an obstructed throat Shibani’s father tells to Mr. Sharma.

‘It is a publishing house and purely a private job. At this situation, could she handle her duty perfectly?’ Suddenly Mr. Sharma turned silent for a moment and started to contemplate.

What Shibani did discern from Mr. Sharma’s face, instantly she began to tell, does not at all bother sirs, you will not find any neglect in my work, and I will accomplish my work perfectly.

This type of presence of mind of Shibani to understand Mr. Sharma’s face was an I.Q. test of Shibani. Any publishing house requires the people bearing this type of quality. Mr. Sharma satisfied within.

‘Sir, you may come now. From today, Shibani may start to work with us.’ At last, Mr. Sharma told politely to the Shibani’s father.

   After returning from office, at the gate of publishing house, Shibani’s father put a look at the building. A few drops of tear dripped down from his eyes. He had never thought of that his much-loved daughter Shibani will work in a private publishing house just after the three years of her marriage. As the publishing house is an internationally popular one, he consoled himself. However, offering every happening on omnipotent, he returned home.

   Mr. Sharma called Anup to his chamber up. He introduced Shibani to Anup.

‘This is Mrs. Shibani Mohapatra and from today, she joined with us as an acquisition editor in our publishing house’. He said.

When he saw Shibani, at first sight, how much was he surprised so much he became stupefied?

Shibani made obeisance to Anup.

‘Anup, you take Shibani to her seat.’ Mr. Sharma said.

‘Madam, please come’ Anup said.

Two tables are in the Anup’s chamber and big one is for Anup. In front of Anup’s table, there is another table, which is the seat of Shibani.

‘By pointing that seat, madam, that is your seat and you please sit there. From now, this is your chamber and it is your office.’ Anup said.

Anup went to his seat and after sitting on the chair, he started to read something on his table.

‘Sir, what shall she do now?’ After a while, Shibani asked Anup.

‘You read all the files, which are on your table. Today is your joining day. Therefore, you do not have to do any work.’ Anup said.

Again, Anup started to read. Shibani also sat in her seat with a feeling of nervous in her heart and opened a file to read. Though Anup was reading a file, during reading, Anup was peeping at Shibani. He was beholding the color and complexion of Shibani in her ignorance.

   Shibani looks very beautiful. Her height is about five feet five inch and equal to Arup’s height. Her figure is pretty. A black mole on her cheek adds beauty to her angelic face. Shibani looks more exquisite when she talks. Her long hairs when shapes into plaits it touches her waste at her back. Her style of wearing the sari is ravishingly beautiful. After wearing the sari when she puts her vanity with long band in her shoulder, she seems like a heroin. When she starts talking, smile drips from her face.

   It is now about four o’clock in the dusk. On that day, Anup’s mind did not adhere to his work, and in his mind, he was analyzing Shibani.

‘Okay madam, you can now go home.’ Anup said to Shibani.

Happiness hugged her mind. She has left her two years son with her mother. What will be he doing? He will be topsy-turvy in hunger. At the time of leaving the office, she wished Anup. To go home, she went to bus stop. On the way, in her mind, she was thinking that the Almighty made she reach at a right place. At first meet with Anup, she was in panic, but on the first day, she became very much happy after witnessing the comportment of Anup. Bus reached. She climbed the bus to her home. At reaching home, she hugged her son and fondled him. Two drops of tear dripped down from her eyes. Now at this plight, you had put such difficulties down in mine horoscope. In her mind, she grumbled the creator. Nevertheless, hugging her son, she forgot all the pain. “However, this salary of rupees ten thousand per month will be a big help in her life. He is lying on bed now. Although, his treatment is going on with the pension of father-in-law, still then, these ten thousand rupees will support in a great way.” She began to contemplate in bed at night.

   Shibani’s office is only eight kilometers from her father’s home due to which she has come with her child to stay here. Her father-in-law’s home is fifty kilometers away from her office so she is unable to work from such a long distance. In her father-in-law’s home her mother-in-law, father-in-law, and her husband’s younger brother are there. Husband’s younger brother is unmarried. Her husband is getting treatment in a private hospital near her father-in-law’s house. If she were not with her husband outside from her father-in-law’s home just after her marriage then she would not be in this private job now.

   Twenty-three years of her life, she has spent in Mumbai. Although modernity has influenced her attitude a lot, her heart is the home of idealism and decisiveness as an Indian woman. She has never neglected to learn the duty, work, and attribute of a woman. She has snatched away every traits of her mother.

   Sometimes the memories of her childhood become the medium of time pass for her parents. Her father is a person of a property owner family from the rural Odisha. Nevertheless, it is now thirty-two years for him to abandon his village. His parents are now not in village. They have departed to that bank of world. All other brothers after his father’s demise have partitioned the vast land and properties in village among them. There is antipathy towards each other among brothers and it shows that there is not at all interrelation among them. All have settled separately in different cities except the youngest one who is residing in village. He also does not have so much interest to welcome any brother heartily to village.

   Shibani’s father is a very trustworthy man. He does not have any greed. To enjoy the essence of living life, he believes to rely on The All merciful for everything in life. That is why he has left all the land properties and estates in village and does not like to go there. For last fifteen years, he has never visited his native village. His belief is that wherever you stay, you accept it as your home as every place is God’s creation. Therefore, there are no differences between the places. As man grows older, he sometimes tries to recollect his unforgettable life memories and likes to dissolve in those moments. Generally, he gets pleasure by recollecting the sweet memories of his children’s childhood days. Today his children are grown up. His honesty, diligence, and devotion towards the Almighty have brought a great deal of change in his children and he influences the children. Today the eldest son is the gold medal winner at department of physics in Bombay University and just after two years of it, he joined as a lecturer in IIT, Delhi. The next son has also done well in his study and now he has joined as a probationary officer in the state bank of India and has settled in state of Assam.

   Last is Shibani. She is his life. After completing postgraduate in political science from Bombay University, she is interested to do M.phil in humanities. She has applied to some universities and after receiving the invitation, she has decided to take admission in Madras University. For one year, she will go to Chennai and will stay there. Father and mother are very sad that Shibani will leave them for one year. However, they can never stop her study for the sake of this. Therefore, she will go.

   At last, on may 17, 1998 she has set out from Bombay navy barrack to the railway station with her father. Her father will leave her at Madras University and will return. When the taxi started, she touched her mother’s feet. How can a mother’s heart restrain? She dragged and hugged Shibani with an uncontrolled crying. Drops of tear streamed from both of her eyes.

‘Mum, why do you worry? I will return quickly.’ Shibani told.

   Then the taxi with them reached the railway station. They had to go by Chennai express. The departure time of the train was at 2 pm. For that, they reached the Bombay C.S.T railway station at 1.30pm. The train arrived at right time. She and her father got into the train. The train left the station as an eternal dependent with its original sound.

   How much daring Shibani is, so much she is soft from her heart? After completion of M.phil in humanities in 1999, Shibani has returned to Bombay. After next two months, her father is going to be retired from the job. To settle in his birth state, he has made a house just 8 km from Bhubaneswar on a purchased land. The house is not so much sophisticated. From outside, it looks like an ordinary house. From now, he is in pursuit of a son-in-law for Shibani. His aspiration is that if the son-in-law belongs to Bhubaneswar or nearly then he can share his last life with his daughter after her marriage. There is a popular legend. Where there is a will there is a way.

   During Shibani’s study in Madras University, she comes across a young man whose name is Shankar Pratihari, who is an M.phil student of department of journalism in same university? Shankar in his mind decides to make Shibani his life partner and initiates to act accordingly. He goes frequently to Shibani’s hostel with his other friends. Nevertheless, Shibani never thinks about Shankar in that way. Like this, seeing each other in hostel it becomes six months for both of them. One day, suddenly Shankar goes to Shibani’s hostel alone and he finds Shibani alone in their guest room. No one was also outside there and she was absolute alone. Shankar came unexpectedly, dragged Shibani towards his body, and put a kiss just at the backside of her neck. Suddenly Shibani has burst out angrily and she threw the sandals from her feet over Shankar. Shankar left that place. “Scorn at first makes after love the more” after this incident, the weakness towards Shankar Sprouts up from the heart of Shibani and finally she falls in love with Shankar. They have returned home after completion of study with a promise that they will become life partner to each other.

   Coincidentally Shankar’s home is in Cuttack, which is just 30 km from Bhubaneswar. His father works as a section officer in PWD Shankar belongs to a very good family. The behavior and attitude of Shankar is also not bad. To be the husband of Shibani, he has also similar qualifications as compared to Shibani.

   After having the degree from Madras University, he already has joined as a consultant in rural development department of NABARD in Balasore. She stays at Balasore in a rented house. The relation between Shibani and Shankar is in same rhythm.

   When Shibani’s father searches son-in-law for her, Shibani tells everything about Shankar to her mother. After listening everything from her mother, Shiban’s father tries to know all about Shankar and his family background. According to him, if Shibani gets marry with Shankar there is no problem but from the angle of their cast, Shankar belongs to a relatively lower cast for which he hesitates. Nevertheless, when the brothers of Shibani knew about this, they became fire. They do not at all accede. However, in front of Shibani’s obstinacy, everything streams like water.

   In the month of December 2000, Shibani and Shankar tied in wedlock. After marriage, both of them stayed at Balasore. With cheers, hilarity and merriment one year passed. They blessed with a son. When the son becomes two years old, unexpectedly a black cloud mounted in the life of Shibani. In an accident, one of the legs of Shankar totally broke up. Therefore, they returned to Cuttack and there in a private hospital, Shankar was treated.

   Shibani became unconscious in her mother-in-law’s house and tried to get a job. After attending a number of interviews in different organizations, lastly Sampark publishing house, Bhubaneswar selected her as an acquisition editor. This publishing house is a world-renowned publishing house. Therefore, she thinks and feels herself very rejuvenate after getting a friend like Anup there. As the distance of from her publishing house is only eight kilometers from her father’s house, she leaves her mother-in-law’s house with her son to stay there. Her mother takes care of her son when she goes to her job.

    As if, Shibani is a novel creation of God. The distinctiveness of her look and attribution are unmatched. In her talk, there is the stream of sweetness. Her heart is an ocean of love. She gets solace and ebullience in the service of others. Her mind is space. Her sidelong glance is the daughter of lightning. The eyes are cuter than the eyes of a deer. She is proficient to own everyone’s heart with her way of talking. In her tendered talk, the magic to mitigate and relieve the pain of a patient hides.  

   Human is nothing, even God could be subjugated in her smile. Whether it is pain or pleasure, as if, she is unable to hide her smile in her face. When any stream takes birth from an untamed mountain and flows through impassable and inaccessible rough wayside and sometimes on the way, she wants to conceal her sweet sound; she cannot, though the situation may be calm or restless. In the same way, Shibani is incapable to hide her smile.     

   While she had joined this publishing house, whoever was eyeing at her long plait hanging in her back, he was staying for a while, and certainly become magnetized towards her. Her life style comprises of all womanhood syndromes of a Hindu family. One of her individual and exclusive characteristic is that all are human, and all the caste belongs to only human caste, and nothing other than that. Although she has taken birth in a high caste family, she has never asked about other’s caste. In her eye, all are equal. Untouchable is not in her life dictionary.

   With every one, she can sit and eat without any hesitation. Earning excellence by performing pious acts or remaining outside the periphery of religious propensity, even she never hesitates to throw the orts of other people. If someone introspect her life minutely, he will know that her lute of life is to enjoy every moment of life with cheers.

   Instead of all, it is not easy to say, whether it is one of her good, or bad nature that is her atheistic behavior. She never accepts the worship of the All merciful in photos or as deities. She never considers the photos of deities as God. For her, those are only photos. Without mind and heart, to worship a number of photos of deities or idols, she never likes. Nevertheless, one special activity can be marked in her attitude is that whenever she sees any temple, she makes a deep obeisance to that.

   That day was the second day of Shibani in her office. At right 9.45 am, Shibani reached at office and she started to turn the pages of a file on her table in the cabin.

At 10.10 am, Anup came in to the cabin.

‘Good morning sir’, as soon as Anup entered into the cabin, Shibani stood up from her chair and wished.

‘Very good morning’, Anup wished back.

‘When did you reach here?’ Anup asked.

‘Just fifteen minutes back.’ Shibani replied.

Anup sat on his chair and put a blink at Shibani.  

   At that time, Shibani was reading a file. Eyeing the beautiful face of leaning head of Shibani, Anup overwhelmed with ecstasy, and after a while as if, his heart came to a standstill. Curbing himself, he left his cabin after ten minutes to Sharmaji’s chamber. He returned with the routine of next week’s work and the details of works intended for Shibani. He kept all the files meant for Shibani separately over the table and called Shibani near him. Shibani came to him.

‘Are you ok? Do you feel good?’ Anup asked.

‘Yes sir.’ Shibani said with a restrained fear.

Then Anup explained about her work.

   The work of Shibani is to find out new writers everyday worldwide. She has to cull the eligible writings, which is to publish. Then she will hand over the collection of selected writings by her to Anup. After analyzing the pros and cons of the new writings, Anup will submit to Mr. Sharma. At last, Mr. Sharma will decide which writings are to publish, and to those, he will send to the publishing section.

   Here the role of Shibani is very important, because she has to search new writers through internet and letter and pursue them for new writings. Therefore, Shibani has to federate every work very much with Anup, and she has to be always in touch with him.

Shibani took all of her files and went to her chair.

   It was the first time in Anup’s life to smell such a wonderful fragrance, which was coming from Shibani’s body. It was neither any perfume nor any scent but the smell of Shibani’s anatomy. As if that smell tempted Anup and It attracted him horribly towards her. In his whole life, he had never trailed in such Fragrance. He had never felt such type of affinity towards a tang in his life without any intention.

   In the meantime, it turned time for lunch. Anup from his chair went to the washbasin to wash his face and hand. Shibani took a deep sigh. Her mind seemed much burdened. Anup in his seat began to open his Tiffin box what his wife Radha had given. Shibani also started opening her Tiffin box after washing her face and hand on her table.

   Anup felt shy to eat but he started. However, on the other side what happened to Shibani, it is in hazy; she started sobbing holding a piece of bread in her hand. Anup puzzled with apprehension in his mind, as he was unable to understand anything there at that moment. He surprised at Shibani for some time. What will he do, he dragged himself into bewilderment. Then getting up from his chair, he went near Shibani and stood beside her.

‘What happened, madam? Any problem, suddenly you are crying! This is office, why are you so crying?’ Anup consoled.

She continued sobbing more deeply rather have a cease to it. Anup failed to restrain himself. With diffident and hesitation, he took his hand and keeping on her head, he started to console.

‘Please, you do not cry like this. Please tell! What happened?’ Anup requested.

When Shibani raised her face, her eyes and chins were wetted with tears.

‘No, nothing, the loneliness of my son and my husband’s health is haunting me.’ She sobbed out.

‘Do not worry madam, this is life and accept it how it comes.’ Anup tried to solace her and preached.

‘In the God’s creation, nascence as human means tear and cheer both will come in life. It is sure that today sorrow means tomorrow cheer. There is a saying ‘God gives more pain to them to whom he loves much.’ Therefore, at the time of misery we should not be impatience. Just preserve the present’s tears as the future strength of your life. You will find these tears will change into moments of joy during next days of life.’

   Shibani’s mind relieved a little with these loving and condoled talks and advices of Anup. Tears of eyes slowly came to a halt. Now Anup lost his interest to have lunch. He packed the remaining foods in his lunch pack. Then he worked for a very few minutes on his table and went to Mr. Sharma’s chamber. Anup’s these consoled advice acted as a love touch on the Shibani’s distressed heart. From this moment, in the life of Shibani, Anup stood as an exemplary character. When Anup was in Mr. Sharma’s chamber, Shibani went to see the lunch case of Anup. She found that the breads were as it is. A portion of single bread, he has eaten. Pangs of regret reverberated in her heart on this happening. She understood that only for her, Anup could not have his lunch today.

   She does not know why not she able to gulp this was happening. In her mind, she looked at the outside her office. ‘Today only for her, Anup could not eat.’ She repented herself.

She continued to think at which unholy and impure moment, she took birth, that everybody gets pain for her. Hiding all these pains, she tormented herself in the office work. When it became 4.50 pm, Anup returned from Mr. Sharma’s chamber. He saw Shibani is busy with her work.

‘Madam, don’t you want to go home?’ Anup asked.

‘Yes sir!’ Shibani said.

‘Therefore, you go now. It’s already time to go.’ Anup said.

 Shibani became ready to go home after keeping all the files in the shelves. At the time of leaving the office, she stood bending her head by the side of the Anup’s table with fear and shy.

 ‘Sir, for me only you could not have lunch today. Please forgive me.’ She told to Anup.

‘I will excuse but only in one condition.’ Anup told.

‘Condition, What condition sir’ Shibani said.

‘From tomorrow, you will never cry in office. Instead of crying, you will work with smile. So now, you leave with smile.’ Anup said.

Shibani could not control her smile and lastly with a smile, she left the office.

   She reached her home at 6.40pm .Holding her son, her mother was in wait. Just reaching in home, she first took her son from her mother to her lap and she enjoyed the motherhood’s cheer by suckling her child. For that moment, she forgot all of her tiredness.

   However, why it happens she could not understand, every moment the talks of Anup were peeping at in her mind. There is repentance in her mind that Anup could not eat today only for her. So she decided, tomorrow she will take two breads for Anup with her Tiffin. At night, she talked with her husband on phone and slept. Breaking her morning idleness, she finished her daily routines. Cooking food for her parents, she also fed to her son. After taking breakfast, she prepared four breads and pea curry. Two breads and a little pea curry she put in a separate Tiffin box and another Tiffin box for her, she carried.

   How much fear so much confusion was mounting in her mind about the two breads, which she had brought for Anup. In case Anup refused to eat, it will hurt her. On that day reaching office at 9.35am, she sat on her chair. Before her reaching the office, peon Gaura after cleaning the chairs and tables, he had kept one glass of drinking water on her table and another on Anup’s table as well. Wishing to her Gaura said, Anup sir has informed me, that he will come a little late today. He had to go to another place for office work. A dejected look came out from her face. With which eagerness she had waited for Anup, suddenly with a shock it shook. A little doubt mounted in her mind, if Anup would not come today, her labor to bring the breads will be futile. However, thinking nothing more about it she merged in work.

      When it is 11am in clock, Anup entered into the cabin abruptly.

‘Good morning sir,’ Shibani wished her.

 ‘Very good morning’ Anup wished back.

‘Are you fine?’ Anup asked.

‘Yes sir’ Shibani said with a smile.

After sitting on his chair, he first started to observe Shibani keenly. An unexpected seduction towards Shibani has taken its shape in his mind, which he already has understood from yesterday. Nevertheless, the most surprising and interesting thing is the fragrance of Shibani’s body. Today he urges that Shibani would come to him and he will relish the smell of her body.

   Swiftly Shibani straightened up her face. During this Anup was ruminating Shibani over, but suddenly he turned his eye towards his file in such a way, as if Shibani cannot guess that he was looking at her. However, Shibani could easily discern that Anup was blinking at her. Then without saying anything, she also kept herself occupied in work. In the mean time, lunchtime arrived.

‘Shibani, what you have brought for lunch?’ getting up from his chair, Anup asked.

‘Sir, I want to tell you one thing.’ Shibani overwhelmed and said.

‘Tell’ Anup said.

‘Yesterday you could not have your lunch for which I felt very sorry. I told to my mother in home regarding this. My mum told, my dear, you have very nice persons. I have brought two breads and a little curry for you from my home. I hope you will eat it?’ she said.

Was it necessary? Surprisingly, looking at Shibani for a while, Anup said okay. I will take it definitely.

Shibani kept the Tiffin opening on the table of Anup. Anup and Shibani both had their lunch.

‘The breads taste very good.’ during eating, Anup told to Shibani.

Are not you telling lie sir? Shibani said.

After lunch, peon Gaura came and took all the utensils from both of the tables.

At right 4 o’clock, Anup becomes unable to control himself due to his serious interest to sniff the fragrance of Shibani’s body.

   With the pretence of looking at file, he was in the state of overwhelm with the smell of Shibani’s body. Accumulation of a wish was prevailing in his mind to be always with that wonderful smell. As if, that smell was hooking him with a terrible attraction towards her. After a little while, Anup has left to Sharmaji’s cabin. Now the time is near to 5pm. As usual Shibani returned to her home by bus.

   Anup never has felt the ecstasy of happiness throughout his life until today. He was born in a very poor family since forty years ago. In his family, father was literate but mother is illiterate. They are ignorant about the inevitable importance of education in human life. Built with mud and reed covered three thatched houses and four decimal of homestead land are his family’s immovable property. Other than this, they do not have any other property. Father is a small farmer. Anup is the third after two elder sisters followed by one younger brother with two younger sisters. Life has run always with the blow of poorness. However, from primary school interest towards study and his superb I.Q. makes all the teachers confused.

   He is always first in the class. He gets government scholarships in class v and vii. From the seventh class, he is independent about his study expenditure. He managed to earn money for his study through tuition to small children of his village. When he was in class vii, his father passed away. In class x as well as in +2 science he placed himself in first division. While he was in class vii, his father had finished his elder sister’s marriage. In home, the next elder sister with his widow mother manages the home.

    He studied engineering after +2 sciences with the govt. Scholarship. After completing Diploma in mechanical engineering, he tagged to a private company job. He brought changes in financial situation of his family with his own labor. He did everything for the marriage of her next elder sister. He brought up his younger brother and sisters very perfectly. During that private job, he also completed his M.Sc. and M.Phil in physics. However, one thing, this private job could not give him peace, which is his inner essential since his maturity.

   His kin interest is in writing. he wishes to work in any publishing company. For that, he completed a short-term course in mass communication. At last after his marriage, doing well settlement of his family he had joined this ‘Sampark Publishing House’ as managing editor. The chief editor and the director of the publishing house are very much pleased with his work competency. The turnover of the publishing house has touched a mark of one billion of rupees since his joining, about eighty employees work in that publishing house.

    If anyone observes in the present scenario of society, the worst habit of Anup is his truthfulness. He cannot bear injustice since from his birth. He has never made loss to anyone knowingly or he does not have such energy in his soul to make loss to anyone. In addition, he does not like advertised help, compassion, mercy, or service to anyone. He feels joy in his life by helping others. He gets the most exhilaration to bring the smiles in the face of poor children by helping them. His every work is defect less and cleans. He is vexed if the articles of home are not in right arrangement. However, he is not so handsome but his wife is very beautiful.

   These days in his life, why has a great change there, he is unable to understand, why is he becoming more emotional? He recalls, when his father had died, every member of his family cried and tears dripped down from their eyes but a single drop of tear was not in his eye even he did not cry. These days at the time of reading any book, at the time of watching any movie or in the real life situations, if any tragic scene appears, instantly his eyes get wetted. Especially he becomes serious emotional if he sees the sorrows of small children.

   Since starting of his study in college, he has stayed for fifteen years out of his home. He has studied and worked in other state. Out of twenty-eight states, he has the opportunity to stay for some days in 20 states. He has enough knowledge about the culture, behavioral attitude of the people and tradition of almost all the states of country.

   He is also efficient in understanding and speaking of five different languages of country. Owing to his adequate educational qualification, during working in industry, he has taught as a guest faculty in a number of engineering colleges. Now also after joining the publishing house, he used to go to teach engineering students as guest faculty. He loves very much to be childish and to play with the children.

   In the shadow of modern generation, holding the basket of modern education on his head, he is competent to manage diligently his life profession. The job in publishing house is his livelihood but his passion is to leave a footprint for others in the society. His ability in writing is known to all his nears and dears.

   He is always in front, in delivering speeches in the meetings and gathering. His friends complement him for his well-versed talkative nature. Your talk is having such embodiments that it enthralls the front person. He does not like gossip at all and does not like to be friend of any one. He wants to utilize the every moment of life with its priceless treasure. A bold impression in his mind is that you have taken birth means; you must do some works for the welfare of the society. His perseverance rests on his self-faith.

   Although he was brought up with the modern engineering study, he adores myriad respect to the spiritual education. Since from his twenty-eight, he reads two pages from ‘Srimad bhagarat  Gita’ every day. He is well aware of the fact that, in the living world, the spiritual education is the greatest of all education. The real accomplishment of life lies in the taste of this spiritual education.

   He has read the holy epics like Srimad  Bhagabat Gita, Ramayana, Mahabharat and odia Bhagabat of ‘Atibadi Jagannath Das’. He has analyzed the essence of these holy epics and has adopted in his life. He is also an expert to deliver talk on spiritualism. The great versatility in the character of Anup is that, how much competent is he to realize and enjoy the wrathfulness of modernity so much skillful he is, to apply the perception of spiritual consciousness in his life style.

   In his life, he has never been attracted towards any girl; also, he has never tried to love anyone in the life full of misery. He knows ‘well clad well fed’. He does not have so much money to fit out. Nevertheless, from his school life to collage life, all know him for his talent. Due to his talent, a few numbers of girls have tilted towards him, but he has not given scope to anyone.             

   One boy three years seniors to him of a nearby village was placing himself in first position always in every class in school, he has seen. He was very intelligent, clever, handsome, and diligent also. He will get the best tenth position in the state in matriculation; there was a rumor among the local people and his schoolteachers. However, falling in love with a girl of his class, he could merely succeed to secure good marks but failed to achieve the people’s expectation. Nevertheless, the drastic worst thing followed in his character that, in +2 sciences he failed and his life utterly ruined. He was a child from a famous and rich family. His father had left a lot of property for him to live but nothing is with himself. If he neglects study, there will be no other way to survive except to work as a labor at the doors of others. That is why he always keeps himself far away from those types of activities until twenty years of his life. Perhaps he will have watched only three cinemas in the cinema halls.

   He owes ‘at which position and status he has been attributed in the present Society’ to his labor, the blessings of his mother and omnipotent. Today he has turned to a referred identity in his locality.

*****

II

   It is already one month for Shibani to be in publication house. On every Saturday, Shibani goes to her father-in-law’s house and takes care of her husband. Her husband used to write something lying on a cot. He also feels happy seeing the working life of Shibani. Shankar becomes pleased when Shibani reaches at home. All other family members also become happy. Again on Sunday evening, Shibani returns to her father’s home with her soon.

   That was a Wednesday. Anup has a thought in his mind that today he will tell something to Shibani, but is unable to gather the courage. ‘Having a child after marriage, why is there so much attraction towards a woman!’ he thinks himself. Why the smell of Shibani’s body mesmerizing him, he is confused.

   Again he thinks, why is to be bashful to tell the truth? Therefore, on the day, he tied a lot of courage and decided to tell this at the time of return of Shibani to home from office.

   The hour hand in the clock reached over the digit five. Shibani stood up from her chair. At the sometime Anup also came.  

‘Shibani madam, please tell me one secret. Why is the smell of your body making me move and shake? Always it is pulling me towards you and an eagerly feeling to stay always near you is shocking me.’ He said.

   With this unexpected talk, how much Shibani did fear with shame so much she became directionless with remorse? Even then, without opening her mouth she left that place. Nevertheless, those words of Anup, perplexed Shibani throughout the night.  

   Next day Shibani has reached office a right 9.45 am. However, with a deep shy within, she thinks how she will face Anup. There, Anup also was in turmoil with same incident. Yesterday, when Shibani had left the office without any answer, Anup was in a state of fear, whether his talk will have hurt her. The night had ended up with so many such thinking.

Anup has reached office at 10.10am.

‘Good morning sir’

While he entered his chamber, Shibani leant forward and wished.

‘Morning’, Anup said.

‘What was your son doing?’ Anup asked.

‘I had seen off him with his school bus at 8am and he has gone to school.’ Shibani replied.

‘What was the Tiffin you had made for him today?’, Anup asked.

‘Upama’ Shibani said.

What have you eaten? Anup asked.

‘Rice’, Shibani said.

After this little conversation, bowing his head Anup started to write something himself. Mean while, Shibani looks at him passionately without his knowledge and thinks what will she tell to Anup?

‘What did you tell yesterday, I have told that to my husband?’ Shibani told.

   On the day, Shibani told to Anup, he burnt with rage on his own accord and left that place. Shibani could understand that Anup became infuriated. After a little while, Anup returned to his sit and neither he looked at Shibani nor talked.

Besides, Shibani could not tolerate this.

‘Sir, you will bring two kismi chocolates for me tomorrow.’ after a moment, she came to the site of Anup and told.

Anup was quite unaware of the fact that the woman cann’t speaks this type of talk to their husbands. He was also purely blind about the dexterity of woman to tell lie in love. Moreover, he was also not so clever to read the psychology of woman.

‘So what was the Shibani’s real expectation from him?’ Genuinely, whether kiss her or kismi chocolate he could not guess.

‘Sir, I have dreamt you yesterday night.’ Likewise, after four days, Shibani came and told instantly.

   Even then, Anup could not understand. From that day, Shibani confirmed that, Anup is a big fool regarding this love affairs but she had put Anup passionately in the innermost emotional corner of her heart. Moreover, from that day, Anup had drowned in deep love with Shibani.

   In language of English, for a second person, only the term ‘you’ is used. However, in most of the Indian languages, for the second person, three terms are used viz. ‘tuu’, ‘tume’, ‘Aapana’. In odia language ‘tuu’ for very close and dearest one, ‘tume’, for  comparatively elder persons with adored one and  ‘Aapan’ is used for the most  respected and adored persons . Here gradually   instead of ‘Aapana’ Anup has started to address Shibani with ‘tum’ to which Shibani also likes. Whenever Shibani seems unhappy in office during her work, Anup remains busy in consoling her with words. Until that, it can be felt that distance between Anup and Shibani is the most minimum. Anup already have built a concrete home in the heart of Shibani.

   Although Shibani hides her feelings, At the time of her presence on bed with her husband, Anup disturbs in her mind. His behavior, attitude, very dearest talk and his sincere cave towards her makes her distressed. At that moment, she thinks her heart and mind are not with her.

   All are now mortgage near Anup. Still then, she has to nourish her family. In addition, she has to love her husband. She has also to take care of her son. She walks over all these intermingled states. There is also no such negligence in her husband’s love. Still then, she is quite confused why she is getting attracted towards him like a leaf in whirlpool.

   During sitting in office, Anup has held her hand a number of times. It is not right to say that Anup has held her hand with oppression. As obstinate tempest moves ahead, so his love does not have now the fence. Perhaps he has touched the ultimate boundary line of love. Now he is also thinking of only about Shibani even when he is with her wife on bed in night. The passion to enjoy his wife also has reduced as compared to before.

   These days, whenever, he is having sex with his wife, at that time, Shibani’s image is also twinkling in front of him. Anup’s wife also has understood that Anup does not love him so much as earlier. Whenever with a concealed walk, she is hugging behind him; he is not showing so much interest as was before. Even then, Anup’s wife is very patient and possesses a charming character. Therefore, she thinks, perhaps due to the burden of office, he is not happy. However, Anup does not want to break his family. He also wants the love of his son. Therefore, he tries to bear everything. Day by day, he went mad in the love of Shibani. Each moment, the picture of Shibani made him distressed, agitated and anxious. Even if at night, during sex with his wife, the face of Shibani interrupted him. After some days like this, one day he has requested Shibani for a kiss. However, you see, so long as you are voluntarily not interested to tender a kiss, I will not.

   In the mean time, a fortnight has passed. Shibani has become uncontrollable to dissemble. Suddenly one day she has agreed. It is twelve noon. All were busy with their own work. Shibani came and stood calmly near Anup gazing opposite. Understanding the intention, Anup went to shibani, kissed on her cheek, and held her breasts tightly in his hand.

‘Please leave me. That’s much.’ she said with modesty.

Nevertheless, when Shibani left that place, she was seemingly unhappy.

Tomorrow was a Sunday. Right at 11am, Anup calls Shibani.

Shibani picks up the phone.

‘Yes tell’, she says.

‘What are you doing?’ Anup asked.

“I had come to temple. I do not feel well at all. As if I feel, I have committed a ‘sin’. I have cheated my husband. It is only reeling in my mind. This ‘sin’ am not allowing me to sit or stand. Anup then tried to console her but Shibani do not.” she replied.

   From that day, Shibani has maintained distance from Anup with this word ‘sin’ at the time of this type of small physical relationship. However, Anup does not like to leave her side. He always praises the beauty of Shibani, not in pretence but truly, from his heart, he admires the work and her nature. Shibani is perplexed with those praises.

   If sometimes, Anup tells anything about sex, whether she shows exasperation from her heart, or just to evade him, he never knows or tries to know. Shibani shuns a bit and again from her mind she comes herself and joins. Without talking to him, Shibani is shaky, Anup has discerned. Like this occasionally, ill feelings happen between both but no one rests in peace without other.

  That was a Saturday. All most all had gone out for their home. Every day, Anup departs from office at last. Shibani goes just a few moments before Anup. That day, both of them were in the office sitting together. The cozy tete-a-tete was very romantic on that day. They were so much dissolved in their talk, if any one sees from outside, he will guess them as husband and wife.

   That day, the summary of the talk was they would go together from office. Anup becomes very much emotional. Both of them already erected from their seats to leave. Anup comes swiftly to Shibani and holds her palm very tightly; perhaps, he lost his patience to control himself from his sexual desire. He hauled Shibani to hold her tightly to his chest, but with a flash of fear, Shibani jerked herself to a little distance. You see, this is ‘sin’ and please desist from this, because we both are married, she requested.

   It is already late. Let us go. Anup loves Shibani so much that he cannot act anything against the will of Shibani. Therefore, he has dominated his desires with a great pain.

‘Sin, I do not know what this sin is!’ Anup said.

‘You know everything.’ She argued.

‘To hug and kiss woman is sin?’ Anup asked.

After this, both of them left the office. That day, she was afraid to sit on the Anup’s like. However, inherently she turned pulled to sit. On the way, the park come, where they have sit together for five to ten minutes a number of times. Therefore, on that day, Anup took the bike and halted near the park. With the certain perception, getting down from bike, she went into the park and sat over a lofty place. Anup followed her, but sat near her keeping a little distance to her. Nevertheless, how many times they have sat in this park; they have sat contiguous to each other. So Shibani felt wrench. Still then she has sat.

‘Okay, please tell me, what the definition of ‘sin’ is you have put.’ Anup begins to say.

‘What the society doesn’t accept, that is sin.’ She defined.

‘It is stupid.’ Anup smirked.

   ‘Okay, you tell, if a lady with only bikini, sings during bath with a man either in swimming pool or in sea with hugging and kissing each other, Will the society accept it?’ Anup confronted.

‘No, not at all’, Shibani retorted.

'Then, you might have seen terrible nudity with compare to these scenes in many cinemas. Do they commit sin?’ Anup reiterated.

‘Okay, if they perpetrate ‘sin’, then how does our society bear this? United sitting together, the members of a family enjoys and relishes these types of scenes during watching cinemas. Then according to your opinion, we are relishing the sceneries of ‘sin’ without any controversy or argument.’ Anup debated.

‘That is cinema and that is an art. So there is not place of ‘sin’’, she argued.

“Some opine, cinema is the reflected image of society and some says cinema also seriously influences society. Then, why this stupid society does not hinder it? Instead, the society incites it. Okay you night have seen a number of western movies in which the sceneries of very common physical relation between man and woman are very ordinary. Therefore, whether they represent art or they do ‘sin’. In no movie, why has not it portrayed as ‘sin’ rather the movie in which the director represents the erotic physical relations in a very lucid and beautiful manner, that movie becomes popular and recognized by the public. We are watching such type of movies and enjoying also, then what that is. Are not they human of this earth? Are not the five basic elements of life the constitutients of their bodies? Or are their bodies are of any other embodiments?” Anup affirmed.

‘Their society accepts that.’ Shibani put controversy.

‘Then, why should we trail that society?’ Anup complained.

‘It is already 6.30pm. You see, we have to go home. It is late because today is a Saturday. He will reach home at 9pm and I have to cook.’ Shibani insisted.

   Her husband comes from Balasore to stay with her. In addition, he returns on Monday morning. So, both of them stood up. Every day when they separate each other, they do hand shake, but that time knowingly without handshake, Anup left that place towards his bike. Shibani burnt with rage but without any reaction, she sat on the bike with grief. Anup drove his bike to the colony where Shibani stays, and braked his bike at a little distance from her rented home. Shibani got down and Anup left bidding goodbye to her.                                   

   Shibani reaches at 7.30 pm in her rented home. Returning from school, he had his food. After playing in evening, he was studying. Reaching home, she embraced her son tenderly. She changed her ‘Sari’ and became fresh. Then she ignited incense sticks and prayed. After that, she drank a cup of tea and started to cook the dinner. She finished it by nine o’clock and sat near son to guide for his homework. Just at 9.10pm, Shankar reached. She got up impulsively. She took the bag from Shankar’s hand. Just entering into the room Shankar fondled his son and after freshening, they all sat for dinner together. During dinner, they have rendered some sweet talks between each other. All went to sleep. After six days, Shankar is here. Today he is very happy with his wife. Son fell asleep. Anup set about to unfasten her hair braced with embellished clips. After that booth of them, drowned in warm embrace and gratified with their sexual desires. Nevertheless, in between the Anup’s face was prevailing in Shibani’s mind to disturb her. Within that, they have slept.

Today is a Sunday.

‘I am going to bring fish.’ Shankar said.

Shibani is very fond of fish. She is like a cat to eat fish. It is not lie to tell, for that only; fish curry is must in every Sunday. Shankar returned with fish. Shibani entered kitchen and started cooking. At the time of poaching fishes, unexpectedly she recalled Anup’s inapt ideas about fish, because Anup is a born vegetarian. Talk on non-Veg. food makes him irritated.

‘What a man is he? How does he live without non-veg. food? Wherever does he sit he begins to speech over the merits to remain apart from consuming non-veg. foods? However, she cannot quit eating fish. What will happen to make her comprehended?’ In her mind, she set in to muse.

   During this deep cogitation, Shankar comes to her behind abruptly and says today’s fish curry will very piquant.

‘Why, Frightening with fear,’ Shibani asks Shankar.

Is the fish costly today?

‘No, No, you are preparing today with full concentration. That is why.’ Shankar said.

Cooking ended up. Husband, wife, and son altogether sat to eat. During eating together, again Anup has entered into her mind.

“Yesterday in office, how had Anup finished the half of the ‘parotha’ alone, those she had taken in her lunch pack?” She sat thinking.

Shankar is in front of her. Therefore, she tried to restrain her mind.

   The day passed off in this manner. Night came. With cheers, all the three after dinner went to bed. Tomorrow Shankar will again leave for Balasore on his work.

‘Why are you leaving me alone here?’ suddenly, expressing her annoyance, she pleaded.

‘This is life otherwise how will the life go on?’ Shankar solaced her. Both knotted with each other. Shankar held her tightly with tender whereas Shibani with yearning. At that moment, their son was in deep sleep. Repossessing the aroma of six days wait and the reality to bide for next six days, they copulated and fell asleep. In the early morning, she got up from bed and prepared food for Shankar. Shankar also got up and took bath in haste. Eating breakfast, he left home at 7.30 am. Shibani had to go to office. She sent her son to school and went to office.

   With the grope of affection, the intimacy between Anup and Shibani arose to the highest. Anup is also in hazy, whether Shibani knows his depth of passion towards her or not?

   These days, how much is he himself disturbed and how much pang of love in her heart has made him restlessness he is unable to discern and even not interested to ken. It is his perception of first live in his life and that is with a married woman.

   In love, how much are the mental faculties worried and pestered, and the anxiety to be always with her, he is realizing. In the flame of love today, each moment he is burring.

   Now Anup is very anxious to have coital relationship will Shibani. However, Shibani always draws an oath line not to cross in the name of ‘sin’. Whatever you wish you can do but do not long for that, because that is ‘sin’.  

  With an excuse, in the name of this word ‘sin’, though Shibani endeavors to keep apart herself from Anup’s ultimate wish, almost all type of conversation of intimacy they do. The essence of sex in human life and even about all different organs related to sex, they talk about. The wonderful thing is that Shibani has shared the moments of intimacy of her fourth night with her husband with Anup. Instead, Anup also has described the same of his life.

While both do any paper work sitting together, in the office of Anup, his hands touch almost all parts of her body. In spite of Shibani’s preclusion Anup is unrestrained himself to do so and the ill feelings sways in between them.

   However, Shibani with compulsion comes near Anup and talks to him. If Anup looks very upset, please, do not get angry. Shibani equivocates. The friendship goes on. Sometimes to entice Anup, Shibani brings something from her home for him to eat and Anup does the same.

   The confabulation between stopped for a month owing to the short tampered temperament of Anup and the sulky nature of Shibani. Shibani tried a lot to break his importunity but he failed to make him melted as he has found a change in behavior of Shibani towords him.

   Early to this, Shibani comes to Anup and stands ruffling his hairs beside him. She talks as the mother tells to her child or wife tells to her husband, and Anup loves this very much.

   Nevertheless, these days, Shibani is not comporting well as earlier. This behavior hurting a lot to Anup but he is clumsy to make a clean breast of it. He already suffocates with this demeanor. Sometimes he bursts into cry, but for the sake of manhood, he hides it.

   That day, his wife was not in home. On his bed at night, the slumber has not entered into his eyes; he spells a letter out on his bed and decides to give it to Shibani tomorrow. Next day he also does it.

‘After reading the letter, what will I do with this letter?’ Shibani asks Anup.

Tear it, Anup replies.

   However, Shibani puts the letter inside her vanity. Next day, Shibani comes and stands beside Anup as previous. As if, fatigue of his mind vanishes like puff of a cigarette smoke.

   The content of letter was as following.

Shibani.

   What is to pen with? I am unable to understand but what are happening with me now, I just transpire to you.

   These days, you are not coming in my dream, as you were earlier with bashfulness. Perhaps the desire for reconciliation has sharply multiplied due to this long separation. The sweet love pain of heart now shapes into the pain of mania. Who can rival in front of the beauty of nature. Nevertheless, I confuse, you seem to be the most beautiful.

   How many aromas the nature has poured in this creation, is beyond imagination. However, why is luscious fragrance of your body exclusive one and is now quite hard to ken. Why is the passion to hold that smell with my body, haunting me? The incline towards you, now so much deepened; the waved passion of my heart always hugging you tightly. Lying on bed, a typical dream comes in awake in which, to keep my mind in your lap is an inexpressible feeling.

   The velvety touch of your palm on my head and my disobedient hand is touching all the luscious places of your body. Sometimes both of my hands haul down your chest near to my face and cuddling tightly then in the midst of this thought, the Goddess of sleep comes and covers my face with the corner of her sari, but in the sleep, you become more intimate. For a moment, you are not getting up from me. This body mind and soul are not at all prepared to forsake you. Like the idol of ‘Radha Krishna’ the divine pair worshipped from the limitless past, as the symbol of eternal love, my heart’s passion is to be always contiguous to you. As if, you are now whole heartedly of me.                          

   In my dream, each of your untold feelings I pull into my heart, trace the realm of warm sensation of your cool body. Many a times, we enjoy each other deeply. When awaken from sleep, the heart feels trouble, but consoles itself for a wish of eternal truth. The soul resounds itself, truth never defeats in this world. No one has ever found out, from which measureless deep womb of mountain, a stream comes out, but its creation is to unite with sea after rolling over the rapture.

   Against the nature, if any time, any situation of human or nature itself tries to hinder its flow automatically, it will lead towards a complete astonishment, to which it will be discommode to forget and will take a very long time.

Who is having energy to block the fragrance to fill in air in this universe?

Who is powerful to stop the self-mesmerizing of human mind with the floating sound of conch and gong coming from temples at dawn?

Every day, Sun God comes on his path of duty, forgetting the yesterday’s labor, who can preclude it?

   If no one is capable to prevent all these happenings, then how will not this natural love from heart reach at its consequence. Indubitably it will reach. This is the belief of my soul.

   Nevertheless, these days the agitation in my mind has been raised largely. A wish, to be with you for every moment, when you are sitting near me, ‘my tendency to lean against your shoulder to sniff the provocative smell of your chest’ is now being refused by you, which hurts me seriously. There is a burning passion to see minutely every point of your body. Every part of your body, every water bubble on your body during bathing under the shower in bathroom and to realize the smell your bare body in wet, which I see and feel in my dream to realize physically and truly. These are now my longings. How much this heart loves you, it is not within the periphery to express. Only wait, that day will certainly come. Owing to my inner confidence and innate relation, your heartless chest cannot stay peacefully and the aura of love will be spread out.

   These days, when I with that, come near you, you are just refusing and looking with such seriousness, only my heart becomes restless with sob. Whatever it may be with the time’s dread behavior, ‘what has to happen that will happen, neither you can stop it nor I.’ after reading all these, you may be compelled to be reluctant towards me but these are true ‘nyctanthes arbortristes’. Though I am shed before the coming of sun every morning, the thought of my soul is to be at chignon or nose gay of God or Goddess. There is no end to this talk.

   There were days, you were standing nearby me, as the mother talks her son with tender, and as the wife shares her feeling with her husband with the honeyed words, as if your talks were the streams of nectar and were the source of inspiration for me.

However, who knows, what happened, no one knows.

   Nevertheless, these days, why is it so? Which turn has the time taken? It is also in dizzy. You and your conversation is always rude and of despicable behavior. Still then, why can I fathom? The heart forgetting the self-conceit of manhood again is running after you, then is not this love eternal? You say.

   In this mode, the intimacy between them progresses. In the course of time, the random ill feelings between two brings them much closer. Whenever, Anup stops talking to Shibani, she never bears it. She only expresses her sulkiness in her mind towards Anup but as if instinctively, she is compelled to talk with Anup. This way, with anger and sulkiness, Anup always strokes her chick and even sometimes, he pecks. Some days Shibani brings self-cooked food from her home for Anup. Anup also does the same.

    It was 14 November 2004. There was an agitation of the employees of all the private companies of Odisha. The main purpose of their rally was, to implement pension scheme in their service after their retirement. Their plan was to continue the agitation for indefinite period. That evening, Shibani was present there. She was looking for Anup in her mind to meet her. Thousands of people were at the agitation site. That was already seven o’ clock at night. Shibani was cogitating about Anup. She was in a hurry to roam and talk with Anup, and finally she wants to return to her home with Anup, because before some days her mother has come. Looking for Anup a lot, she reached at Anup. With a smile, she stood aside to Anup and told, let us go to eat ice cream. Both of them bought two ice creams. Keeping a distance from the agitation site, they went inside the railway park at master canteen square and sat there. Sitting contiguous, they become very much romantic. It seems Shibani was uncontrollable. At that turn, time was eight o’clock at night.

Okay, let us go home. Shibani said.

   Both of them together, set out to home by a trekker. There were some other people of agitation also inside the trekker. Shibani and Anup sat together on backseat. It was very dark inside the trekker. It was tearing the darkness of night with its high speed. Anup has lost command on him and has become passionate. He has turned to hold Shibani’s chest in his hand, but Shibani has not given a very big opportunity to Anup for a long interval to do so, rather she has hold the hand of Anup with her palm tightly, resting her head over the shoulder of Anup. In the meantime, stoppage of Shibani has arrived. Getting off trekker, she went towards her parent’s home. Nevertheless, Shibani could not have a sound sleep in night throughout. Thinking turbulently about Anup, whole night she has been whirled. Here the state of Anup is beyond stated.

   Twirling with burning passion in love, his night has reached to sleep in the lap of dawn.

‘What is the definition of love in life? In the quest of its consequence, how much tear have trickled from his eye down? How many nights has he passed without sleep?’ He does not have any records of these.

   A number of times, Shibani has also kissed and hugged Anup, but with a solemn word, whatever you want, you can do, but never tell about coitus. Still then, sometimes Anup becomes lust full. In his mind, a serious desire haunts him ‘whatever it may be, groping an opportunity, he will fuck Shibani. Perhaps the nature hesitates to permit it.

   During this, Shibani has shifted herself to her father-in-laws’s recently purchased house at link road, Cuttack. Every day, she is coming office to Bhubaneswar in morning and return to Cuttack in evening. Their Bidanasi house is now in rent now. Her son reads in DAV school and Shibani does not face any problem for her everydays up and down to Bhubaneswar.

   ‘Once, Anup and Shibani together were going to Shibani’s home at Cuttack by Anup’s bike. You see, you will never carry on the optimum physical relation with me. If you do so, on that day, it is certain Shibani will be no more.’ On the way, Shibani told to Anup.

However, Shibani expressed this sentiment in such a puerile manner that as if, it is nothing other than her histrionic utterance.

‘You will be cheating me in this way, and before having intercourse with you, I will die. After death, I will turn into a ghost of disgruntled soul and I will enjoy you.’ Anup advocated.

‘Otherwise, if I take another birth just at dying, snatching away the Anup’s conversation, just after taking birth, instead of crying you will murmur, I will fuck, I will fuck, and the people around you, will giggle.’ speaking this, she laughed loudly.

‘Shibani’s threat to commit suicide, after sexual relationship with her, nothing other than is to deceive him.’ Anup confirms.

  Therefore, from tomorrow, he will not at all touch Shibani.

   A number of times, Anup has determined intently, he will talk with her, work with her but keeping a distance from her. Only doing this for two days, Shibani becomes uncontrolled. With any self-formulating excuse, she comes and gradually instills herself into the Anup’s mind. She stands aside him and clutching his hand tells to do some work of her.

   Once in this type of situation, Anup never touched Shibani for a long time, she exerted a lot, but Anup did not melt. So being coerced from inside, she executed a plan.

‘Sir, I am having some work in nearby post office. If you please tell to Anup sir, he would take me there during lunch.’ Next day morning, in office she has requested Mr. Sharma.

 Mr. Sharma is also very much satisfied with Shibani’s work, as from her joining this publishing house, she has done every work very sincerely. Without any hesitation, Mr. Sharma calls Anup and tells to do so.

‘During lunch, Shibani has come impatiently to him. Sir, please come.’ she requested.

‘Okay, you come.’ Anup told without looking at her face.

    Both of them went by Anup’s bike. On the way, Shibani sat very tightly hugging behind him.

‘Why are you so upset with me? Please do not be angry. I am very sorry.’ She pleaded.

 In Reality, Shibani did not have any work there in post office.

‘I didn’t have any work here. Only to have a confabulation, I had come.’ Purchasing an envelope from the post office, she confessed.

    Anup could not stop without saying anything. Saying the word ‘sin’, do not try to cheat me. ‘By deceiving me, you cannot get any profit.’ At last, Anup complained. He loves Shibani so much, instead of frequent anger and sulkiness, Anup can never think ominous of Shibani. Even, it has happened a number of times in office, Anup himself confess the mistakes committed by Shibani as his mistakes and the image of Shibani remains intact in office. Shibani knows these entire thing, but why Shibani takes a favor of the word ‘sin’ for not to keep that relation with her, Anup always in dark.

   On that day, one of the directors of editorial board was retiring from his service, so the office closed at 12 noon. Shibani and Anup together set out to Shibani’s home by Anup’s bike. Both of them were in a very amorous mood. On the way, there is a temple of lord ‘Radhakrushna’ at a little distance from the road. We will go out to visit the temple. They went and Anup parked the bike in front of the temple. Then, both of them have entered inside the temple. At the time of their entrance into the temple, whoever will behold them, he will comprehend them as couple. Inside the temple, both of them prostrated in front of lord Radhakrushna.

   After prostration, they went to the prayer hall of temple, and sat together. They merged in colored conversation, knowingly, Anup wished to lie caging his head in the lap of Shibani but  Shibani avoided to permit him a chance and slipped a little from the sitting place. Coming out of temple, they purchased a green cocoanut, and both sucked together its water with the help of a straw. Then they departed to Shibani’s home. Leaving Shibani, with bidding a good bye in her home, Anup returned. In that night, musing only about Shibani, Anup could not bunk throughout. Her wife also was not in her home. Therefore, in night like a confounded lover in love, he wrote profoundly some definitions of love on a plain paper. Next day he took the paper to the office, made read it to Shibani and tear it.

In that paper the writings were:

‘This love is competent to drive the vanity off an arrogant.

This love is enough experts to turn into dust the conceits of a self-conceit.

This love can fill the smell like sandalwood of peace in the life-doll distressed with torment.

This love can blossom smile in the face of a poor by embarking its sorrow.

This love is capable to rinse the ‘sin’ of a fallen by bringing the blessings of savior of the sinful.

Here love is life, with the touch of pleasing emotion; this is the fragrance like sandalwood of peace.

Under the shadow of love, vice becomes virtue.’ 

That was a Saturday. Anup had to go Cuttack.

‘Today at 3pm, we will go together to your home.’ Anup said to Shibani.

    But one of the worst behavior of Shibani is that, according to her wish everything will be carried out, if she intends, she will go with Anup otherwise thousands of pursuits from Anup will not work, which hurts Anup a lot.

   In the beginning, the demeanor of Shibani was not like this, but from the starting day of up and down of Shibani to office from her mother-in-law’s house, her mind is like this.

 ‘No, I will go by bus, you go alone by your bike.’ Shibani refused.

 ‘Why? I have to go. Therefore, you will go with me. Then what is the difficulty?’ Anup argued.

   However, Shibani was firm on her obstinate. Anup raged with fire. From that day, he did not tell anything to Shibani. Whenever he faced any work with Shibani, he accomplished it with others, but did not tell anything to Shibani. Like this, it is already past twenty days. In her mind, Shibani is now in the uncontrolled state.

   How will she talk to Anup? Shibani’s mind was now in turbulent. The famous Indian festival ‘Holi’ was just after two days. ‘This ‘Holi’, we will invite Anup sir and her wife to our home for celebration. We will arrange a lunch for them here.’ Shibani proposed.

   That occurred. The day before ‘Holi’ Shankar invited Anup by telephone. It is the contrivance of Shibani he, kenned but though, Shankar has invited so he cannot refuge. On the day of holi, Anup and her wife reached Shibani’s home right at 8am in morning. After seeing them at her house, Shibani exulted. Shibani took away Radhika to her bedroom and started chatting. Here Shankar and Anup sat together talking with each other at the same time, eating the snacks served by Shibani. After that, coloring to each other commenced. In the mean time, Shankar went outside to bring the preordered cheese, and Radhika was gossiping with Shibani’s mother-in-law in another room. Manipulating the proper opportunity of time, Shibani went near Anup and colored his face, and stood his abreast with an ardor that Anup will color her body there. You go to your bedroom, and I will color you there. Anup put the condition. Being forced from heart, Shibani went and stood in her bedroom.        

   With an accelerated speed, Anup followed her to bedroom. He colored her visage and putting his hand inside her bra colored whole of her chest.

Returning to drawing room, he called Shibani.

‘Without removing the excess colors from his face, I don’t feel comfort.’ he outlined.

Which woman can restrain the veil of her ‘sari’ in love?

She glanced around and at last, with the veil of her ‘sari’, she wiped away the excess colors from his face. Again, both of them go their relationship on as usual.

 ‘What this lady is, it is difficult to discern.’ Anup always marbles.

Everything she is doing, but whenever talking about that, she is arguing ‘sin’.

She is doing nothing other than manipulating me. He thinks with anger in his mind. Coming back to home in that day with a patience less mind, he composes a poem.

The poem was:

“Once I had plucked you as ‘adored you’ from ‘respected you’

Just next to it, ‘loving you’ from ‘adored you’

To embrace you as the closest of me

To settle in the every bit of your heart

To tuck an emotion of love in you

It is not a day, not a month, even not a year

Time blinked and turned into a decade

Even searching, I never find a day

In which your portrait has not flashed.

Who knows, in which unholy moment?

The thread of this relation was knotted from your flank.

Ultimately, I defeated before your obstinacy.

With your tears of pretence

I am already helpless now.

How many drops of tears have been?

Trickled down from this eye

This heart has not ciphered its number for you.

To live with the palate of defeat

Perhaps, it is now dead sure

Restlessness of heart with the hurts

Now welcomed them as friends

Saying ‘sin’ to coitus in love

Cheating since move then a decade

I do not know whether you are

Ignorant or acting unwise

Nevertheless, love is such a sacrosanct ‘sin’

It does not need expiation, regret, and repentance

Forgiveness does not go near it

There is a saying

‘Love is the mightiest over everything.’

Rage, hatred, violence, anger, and obstinacy

 All loss their identity with its glory

 However, it is proved wrong since a decade

 In our relation, in front of your stubbornness

Win and defeat are the two sides of life

 However, love will win definitely

 Washing away your obstinacy

 With two drops of tears from the corner of your eye

On the day, you and your stubborn will be there

But, I will not be there with you.”

   Next day Anup has given this poem to Shibani in office. After perusing the poem, Shibani has come quietly and stood abreast of Anup. The lyric is very interesting; she felicitated and handed over the same. As she gave the lyric back, Anup saw her with a rueful smile and put the poem in his pocket.

But, the word ‘sin’ of Shibani continues biting Anup in the same way.

*****

III

   Anup’s publishing house has decided to carry out a powerful program this year. The program includes, investigating the truth of the life events of five prisoners, from different jails of Odisha, sentenced to life imprisonment, and publish them in the form of books, to make it public. The executive board of publishing house has rendered the responsibility of this project to Anup and Mr. Sharma will overlook it directly.

   He started the work from Berhampur jail.

‘He will pick a prisoner from this jail and after exploring his life history, he will publish it as a book to bring the truth into light.’ mentally he has groomed.

 That was a Monday. From Bhubaneswar he travelled by visakha express, he arrived at Berhampur. Getting down from train, he recalled his lord and routed to Berhampur jail by an auto rickshaw.

   He introduced himself to jailer and made him known about his publishing house’s purpose. Jail superintendent took cognizance of the facts and permitted him. After getting permission, jailor took him to some prisoners sentenced to life imprisonment. During his attentive to observation to the prisoners, his sight caught a sound physique.

   The physique was extremely hansom and pretty. As if no one could recognize any indications of committing mistake in that figure, and like a reagent less life, it is awaiting for the thruth.

‘Pointing at that figure, I require from information about that figure.’ he requested jailor.

Jailor brought Anup to his office. The number of that prisoner was 155. The file of that prisoner, he disclosed to Anup.

   ‘The name of the 155^th number prisoner is kashinath munda. He is a prisoner of love. The honorable court has convicted of murder of his lover. He had killed his lover, by burning her with the help of kerosene. He is in incarceration since two years. His birthplace is Samantiapali village of karaka tehsil in parapet subdivision, which is 50 km from the Berhampur city.’ After going through the file, Anup turned to know this information

‘Saving all these information in his laptop, he wants to talk for ten minutes with him.’ he requested jailor.

Jailor gave him permission and took him near the cell in which kashi was behind bar.

‘Someone has come to meet you.’ jailor named kashi and ordered him to meat.

Mr.Basu, the jailor is a very magnanimous person. After careful ratiocination of all the prisoners in his jail, he keeps some of them in a special corner of his heart, and renders them a distinct attention. Perhaps in his view, the dark side of the law has entrapped these fellows or they are fully prepared to atone for their crime. kashi is one of these prisoners. He is very dear to Mr. Basu. Since two years, kashi has reconciled the rigor of imprisonment as his labor of life.

   He has adopted the labor in the jail, as his obligation of life.

   By locating the fascination of Anup in the case of kashi, Mr. Basu mentally beamed.

    ‘Mr. Anup would get such a clue from the life story of kashi by which, kashi would become free from jail’ his heart contemplated.

   However, he was hiding his internal feelings; after all, he is the jailor. He is a government servant. Law and order are much above than his court of heart.

   Kashi surprised to hear Mr. Basu’s call. Since two years, no one has happened here to meet him. The aged mother in home, she has neither resource nor strength to walk to come and see him. Then who has come? Kashi came out from his cell and blinked at Anup drowning in deep cogitation.

‘Who is this gentle man?

Has he come to increase the span of his imprisonment?

However, he has heard that there is no longer imprisonment than the life imprisonment, if there is something that is ‘hang till death’.

Has he come to order his death sentence? If he could do so, he would be the most noblemen in his life. The object of life to live for him is now worthless. Again, he is not at all interested to go for cow grazing. Whether his mother is alive or dead, he does not know.’ While he enmeshed by questions like these, Anup intervened by addressing him.

‘Kashi, I am Anup, Anup Mohapatra. I am from Bhubaneswar. I need to know a little about you. My target is to make you free from this four wall torment.’ Anup introduced himself and indicated his intention.

Instantly, he stunned after hearing these words, and burst to say I do not want liberty but I want demise. Can you afford it?

‘We are born to die. No one has ability to snatch away this from our life, so why are distressed?’

Anup paused for a while and said with a sore sound.

There is no space in the brain of bogus kashi to accumulate such sagacious talks.

What you want to ask, you ask. kashi said.

‘Kashi, no, nothing I have to ask. Whatever I had to ask, I got it, thanks he bade good-bye and left that place. We will meet later on. Any other things what I have to inquire, I will query next time.’ Anup replied.

‘What nonsense is this? Without asking and understanding anything, whatever he had to ask, he asked. Its rubbish.’ kashi murmured.  

In his cell, he sat wearily and prompted himself. What he did convince him. He was infuriated mentally over Anup. Suddenly the lunch bell of jail rang. As if his feet mechanically directed towards the lunch place in, jail and he unremembered everything.

   Anup and the jailor both merged in conversation for a while in the office of jailor. Getting some indications about kashi from jailor, Anup set out to Bhubaneswar to have consent regard the further steps to follow.

Best of luck and good-bye, Mr. Basu wished.

After reaching at Bhubanswar in right at eight o’ clock, he telephoned to Mr. Sharma.

Tomorrow we will discuss in office, Mr. Sharma assured.

   Next day at right 10 past 5 o’clock in morning, Anup reached at office. However, before his arrival, Shibani was skimming a file on her seat.

Unexpectedly witnessing him, good morning, she owed.

Very good morning, Anup wished in return.

Anup sat on his chair.

‘How are you? How is your son? Anup wanted to know. Everything is fine and son is okay. She answered

Whom did you identify in Berhampur jail?

Whether is there any progress or not in your work? Shibani waited for the statement of Anup eagerly.

  ‘I got a prisoner of love. I am in confuse, why does my interest incline towards him? I have adjudged to reveal his life story.’ Anup said.

Perhaps you found out your liking prisoner. Shibani commented. I see whether some definitions of ‘vice and virtue’ may be derived from his story. Anup stated.

Mr. Sharma is calling you to his chamber. In the meantime, the peon Gaura entered and told Anup.

With his file, Anup went to Mr. Sharma’s office. He made obeisance to Mr. Sharma and took a seat. After summarization of yesterday’s Berhampur tour of Anup, the fascination of Mr. Sharma augmented.

    To reveal the truthiness of this, at least you have to stay for one or two months in Samantiapali. Mr. Sharma supposed. Otherwise, you may be unsuccessful to unfold the reality.

      In Samantiapali, with which excuse how will you snoop by visiting every home of the village, now we have to consider. At last, they reached at the conclusion that at first, Anup will introduce himself to the ward member and chief of the village.

‘On behalf of our organization, I want to donate several informative books of worth Rupees twenty thousand to your village library. If the library will not be there in the village, then we will set up a library with these books.’ he will bestow this proposal to them.

   Which types of books we will choose, we have to make a surrey for that? In this survey, I will visit every family and collect all the socio-economic information regarding that family. Basing on which, our concern will supply all the books. In the shadow of this proposal, Anup will get the opportunity to stay for one month on that village. In the time of survey for a month, he can amass the evidences in the life-story of Kashi Munda. Lastly, he will return after setting up a library with books of worth twenty thousand.

   From tomorrow, Anup will start his work. Mr. Sharma gave permission.

 Office closed at 5 o’clock in evening that day. Anup hadn’t brought his bike that day, because both the bikes were out of order. He was to go by bus.

Did your work finish? He asked Shibani.

Yes, of course. Shibani replied.

Then come. Anup requested.

Both of them came out of the office. Standing outside the office, Shibani went on humoring as if Anup will bring the bike before her to go, but she was in blind, that today, Anup had not his bike.

   Madam, why did you pause? Today I have not brought my bike. Anup smirked and told that today we will go by bus.

   At the time of walking together on the road, whoever will bat at them, at the first sight, he will think they are husband and wife. No one is inferior to other one in any respect.

Let us go and drink one glass of juice each. Anup said.

   Both of them entered into the restaurant and took their seats. Waiter served them two glasses of juice. Both drank their juice. When they came out of the restaurant, it was already evening. Let us go quick. Shibani requested.

Anup gripped the left palm of Shibani with a pinch.

Ouch! With a sweat pain, Shibani jerked herself.

You will never quit this doggedness. Shibani complained.

Both mingled in an amorous mood.

   ‘From tomorrow for one or one and half month, I will miss you. A sorrowful feeling is prevailing in mind. How can I overcome it?’ Anup said.

Every day you will call to your wife. Shibani said.

But, you will call me too. Anup said.

During this conversation, their destination bus arrived. Both climbed into the bus. At the turn of farewell, Shibani with a loving pressure gripped the right ladies-finger of Anup.

Anup travelled by another bus to his home.

   Entering into the room, Anup nuzzled his son with loving feelings. After that, his wife Radhika went to bring the dinner for him. Every day in evening, by sitting before the idol in worship room of his home, reciting two pages of epic Gita is a habit of Anup, since fifteen years. ‘Every ultimate theory of human life’ he realized in Gita. He has surmounted every hurdles and hindrances by the wisdom of Gita. After skimming the Gita, when he returned, Radhika was waiting him with food beside her son.

‘I have to stay in Berhampur for one month from tomorrow. I have to accomplish a mission there.’ At the time of having dinner, Anup said.

‘What the mission is? Is there any problem?’ with a mental agony, she asked Anup.

‘No, only for an investigation, I have to stay there for one month. If it necessitates, in between, I may come home but I have to complete the mission.’ He said.

   After dinner, Radhika and Anup both packed the luggage to take with him to Berhampur.

   The packing ended up at 11pm. just after it, both went to sleep.

     To remain apart from Anup for one month from tomorrow, on bed, she hid her mind embracing him with agony. Anup’s hands could not maintain their stagnancy under consciousness of mind, rather moved towards the chest of Radhika. For a while, both completely lost within themselves. At the time of enjoying each other in the dearest arena of physical relationship, the portrait of Shibani in the territory of imagination was bothering Anup. After that, both fell asleep.

   Radhika left the bed at 4 o’clock in the morning. After carrying out the daily routine and finishing the worship, she started preparing breakfast for Anup. When Anup got up, it was 5.3o am and Radhika had wound up all most all her work. She also had packed the lunch pack for Anup.

   Whenever, Anup outing for anywhere, Shibani never forgets to put the epic Gita book in his luggage. She kept it in Anup’s bag. In a hurry, ending his routine work up and skimming two pages of Gita, he dressed. Then he sat for breakfast. Until that, their son was in bed.

‘May the train depart’ bearing the fear in mind, fondling his son on his bed he bade farewell to Radhika and set out.

   Reaching at station, he travelled by Visakha express to Berhampur. The train reached at fifteen past ten in morning. From station, he went by an auto-rickshaw and stayed in a hotel. Keeping his entire luggage, he took a trip towards Samantiapali village by a hired taxi. Parking the taxi in the Patrapur market, he got down from taxi.

‘How long it to Samantapali? Which way is to go there?’ he went to a restaurant and queried from its owner.

By the fortune, the owner of the restaurant was a native of Samantiapali.

Only 5 km from here, but whose house do you want to precede sir? The restaurant owner urged to know.

Why, do you belong to Samantiapali? Anup guessed.

Yes sir, the owner of restaurant confirmed.

By this man, I can get some help. Anup thought.

Can I know your good name please? Anup asked.

Dinabandhu  mohapatra. He answered.

Anup introduced himself with his purpose of trip as well.

‘Mr. Dinabandhu’ if you could provide me the name of ward-member and the chief of your village, then I would meet them in village. Anup said.

‘More over that I would be very much happy, if you arrange a rent house for me for ten to fifteen days in Samantiapali. How much money is required, I will pay for that.’ Anup requested.

‘Sir, it is now 12 noons. This is my peak business hour. I am telling the names of some dignified persons of our village. You go and meet them in village first. Some may be there or some may not be there in the village, but all will be available in village in evening. You come back after meeting them and I am arranging for your stay in village.’ Dinabandhu pondered for a while and said.      

What time can you go with me to village? Anup asked to Dinabandhu.

Now it is 12 noon. I and my driver eating lunch in your restaurant and are just wandering in this market up to 3 pm. when you will free, we will depart together.

Okay Sir, Dinabandhu nodded.

   After having lunch, he and his driver expended their time in the market. It became 3 o’clock. All the three together set about to Samantiapali. On the way, Anup asked Dinabandhu about the village.

   Sir, there are about two hundred houses in our village. Starting from Brahminis to sudras resides in our village but eighty percent of total population is from business community. Leaning on the business most of them live peacefully. The two prominent property owners of the village are Ranbir Samantray and Chiranjib Gadanayak. From the British rule, still now they are possessing at least 100 Acres of land.

   Ranabir samantray supervises the joint property and the Radhakrishana temple of the villagers. Every festival, pageants, fairs and the merry makings are observed with pomp throughout the year in which Ranabir samantary acts as the chief. Although some other persons are the members of temple management committee, but Ranabir samantry consulting with other members finally arbitrates every things.

   Among other distinguished members of temple management committee are Chiranjib Gadnayak, Sanatan Majhi, Tuku  Samantaray and the village ward-member Shyama  Mohapatra.

   The most popular festival of Radhakrishna temple of village is the every year’s Chandan festval in the large pond at the end of the village.

   At that time, a large crowd comes to enjoy the festival from neighboring villages. With continuation of this conversation, the taxi reached in front of Dinabandhu’s home.

Please stop the car, Dinabandhu insisted driver.

Getting down from car, Dinabandhu led Anup to inside his home. The house of Dinabandhu is not only very beautiful but also neat and clean.

  Now his younger son Susanta, his wife, and his father are the members of his family. The eldest son is studying in +3 Science in Berhampur University. So, he stays there in hostel. Susanta is in 10^th now. Therefore, he is in home now. Though Dinabandhu’s house is in a country area village, almost all the modern amenities are available in his home. A separate room with latrine and bathroom is also there in his home, meant for the guests.

   At the vicinity of his family staying room, another two well made rooms with latrine and bathrooms are erect just opposite to it. At the time of festivals in village, the guests from outside other than his relatives stay in these two rooms. Rama the wife of Dinabandhu arrived with water for Dinbandhu and Anup.

You prepare the tea for us and we are just coming from that guest room. Dinabandhu said to Rama.

After drinking the water, Dinabandhu led Anup to show his separate guest room.

Could you stay in this room sir! Showing the two rooms, Dinabandhu asked.

‘Anup astonished to see such beautiful house in a countryside village. Who will refuse to accommodate in such aesthetic rooms.’ Anup smirked.

I will respite, but how much I have to defray. It is the matter of a month or half of it. So, it is up to you, how much you pay. Dinabandhu imposed him.

Okay, please receive these 1000 rupees. Anup afforded him.

At the beginning, Dinabandhu declined and told at the fine of leave off you will pay.

No, No, please you keep it now. Anup handed over the rupees to Dinabandhu.

   At that turn, the wife of Dinabandhu was already there with tea. Both of them drank tea in that room. It was already five o’clock in evening.

‘You just become fresh first. We will go to the house of Ranabir Samantaray and will meet him.’ Dinabandhu said Anup.

How will you manage your food here? Dinabandhu wanted to know from Anup.  

With a smile, Anup apologies Dinabandhu for his kind accord to help him to stay in his home.

‘If you agree to provide me your home meal by extending a little more help, I would be very much thankful to you.’ Anup hoped.

But sir! Our food is village food.

Could you bear with it? Dinabandhu quoted.

He likes that very much, Anup smiled.

After proposing this, Anup handed over another a sum of rupees two thousand to Dinabandhu. This is for his food, he said.

Dinabandhu was showing unwillingness to keep it but as he is a professional businessperson, he retained it. With this talk, Dinabandhu and his wife left to their room. Here Anup unpacked his luggage and started to be fresh.

                                 

*****

IV

   Dinabandhu has addressed Anup to go to the house of Ranbir Samantray at 6.30 pm. The influence of Ranbir Samantray’s land-lordship have been deceased sharply albeit, he is the oldest landlord of village. He is about in his infirmity of old age.

Although, Dinabandhu is a restaurant owner in patrapur market, almost all the people of village regards him. Reaching together at Ranbir Samantray’s house, they meet him. Anup made obeisance to landlord Ranbir and Dinabandhu introduces Anup to him. Anup explains his aim and objective for his presence there. At last, Ranbir Samantray assures him to call a meeting of temple management committee tomorrow and there we will talk it over.

   Anup and Dinabandhu returned with the assurance. Coming back from there, Dinabandhu left for his restaurant. Anup relieved himself taking his seat in the room. During comforting, he ruminated on the progress of the today’s work and documented in his laptop from the origin to end.

   He picked up his mobile to talk to Radhika but the link could not establish. Then he called up Shibani. At that time, Shibani was watching TV, after preparation of night food. Making the TV tune to low, she received the call of Anup and said Hello.

What are you doing? Anup asked.

Watching TV, She answered.

Suddenly, the voice of Shibani diminished. He tried out a number of times to connect the phone, but it did not transpire. Turning to that moment, a ground less passionate excitation was peeped in his mind. There was also no means to share this, so he compelled himself to digest within him.

There, his door turned knocked. Opening the door Anup saw, the wife of Dinabandhu is there with night food.

‘Drinking water do you have’ she handed over the Tiffin to Anup and queried.

Yes, he nodded.

Any other thing do you need. Ramaa put it to.

No, nothing, Anup thanked.

Ramaa left that room. Anup shut the door and made a call to Dinabandhu. Dinabandhu was afoot.

‘You have sent dinner for me. So I am having it.’ Anup said.

‘Of course sir, eating dinner, you sleep. In morning, we will meet.’ Dinabandhu said.

Anup turned to eat. It was 15 past 10 at night, when the dinner finished. Then he went to sleep. Lying on bed and thinking about home and Shibani, the tiredness of day pulled him into the lap of sleep.

   Getting up from bed in morning, Anup finished his daily routine before 7 am. Dinabandhu arrived with two cups of tea. Together drank the tea and decided to go to landlord Ranbir at 9 pm. fulfilling his promise, that day landlord Ranbir also had arranged the meeting of temple management committee at sharp 9 o’ clock in morning. At right 9 am, Anup and Dinabandhu reached at Ranbir’s house, where all other members of temple management committee were present. The meeting got started. Anup explained about his purpose. To accomplish that purpose, he has to visit every house in the village to collect information. He necessitates everyone’s hand in this. Assembling all the collected information, he has to detect the acute problems in respect of diseases or social disturbances. After analyzing all the problems, our organizations will provide a number of books comprise of awareness and solutions to those problems to your village library. If necessary, some other new books, we may also donate.

   Still now, the real aim and objective of his visit, no one knows other than Mr. Sharma and Shibani. All the members became very much satisfied with this proposal and they agreed to precede the work. Lastly, the meeting ended with obligation from Anup. All the members conveyed the message to every family of village. From that day, Anup began his work. There are two hundred families in village. If he gathers information of every 10 families each day then it will take 20 days. Therefore, he carried out the job with that proportion. After collecting all the information about a family, lastly he asks one or two questions related to his secret aim. The questions like ‘an unforgettable incident of your village’ or any question regarding social harmony or disturbances. Some families gave the answers to these questions narrating the story of the relation between the daughter-in-law of Ranbir and his servant Kashi but in brief. Nevertheless, Anup intends to collect the evidences with information minutely regarding the story. He has not come across with that type of family or person until now, who can supplement everything. In this way, Anup already has covered 45 families within 5 days. He has also acquired some valuable information about Kashi’s life story.

   Time was at the vicinity of evening. The rays of sun were falling on the crest of all the eastern side thatched houses, as the village was straight in the direction of north south. Other than the crests of tall thatched houses, the sunrays were not falling on the roof of the small buildings and huts. The surroundings were in state of sheer pandemonium as the tides strike with shores. From the youngest to the oldest, all were humming with different vehemence.

   Some boys were also busy in playing Kabadi in front of Radhakrishna temple at the centre of the village. At different places, three to four old men were gather round on verandahs. Although, while the cowherd returned with his herd of kine through the village, the surroundings became grey with dust but it seemed as a unique experience. The feet sound of cows, oxen, goats, and sheep did dense a little more to the surroundings.

   Few of the wandering children on the village pathway, rushed in fear to their verandas, seeing the herd of kine, whereas some others failing to rush, burst into cry. On this juncture, going near a child, a goat turned to lick him with love, which made the child cry aloud. Without even a blink of hesitation about the slippage of her unrestrained veil, leaving her shame behind, the working mother in home rushed to there, and took the child in her arm and kissed nonstop. It was seen in some other places of village, a few girls and daughter-in-laws of the village walking together cheerfully in the direction of village end-field.

   In the mean time, Anup climbed the verandah of Kashi’s house but he is ignorant about the fact that it is Kashi’s house. An old woman was there sitting on the verandah. She did not seem so aged, but it was clearly distinguished, that her diseased skeleton was nothing but the reflection of her distressed mentality.

Aunty, are there any other in home? Anup asked.

‘Is there any work, and then say to me.’ The woman said in a very low voice.

Anup said his intentions.

‘I have one son and his name is Kashi. But he is not here.’ the woman said.

Hearing the word Kashi, Anup paused a while and he concluded within, that he reached near his goal.

‘Aunty, it is now about to evening. Therefore, I will come to you tomorrow at 9 am.’ He said to the woman with a flurry of excitement.

‘Okay, I will be in home tomorrow at 9 am’ the woman said.

   After that, Anup returned to his staying place Dinabandhu’s house. At the turn of his return, there were a lot of confusion and aspirations, streaming in his mind. He finished his evening routine works and sat thinking on a chair. Ramaa left tea and snacks for him.

‘How will he extract all the happenings in the life of Kashi from Kashi’s mother?’ during snacks, he mused.

   His son and his wife came in his mind. He tried to talk on mobile but there was only the prompting message ‘error in network’ repeatedly. For the relief of whole day tiredness, his body came to halt and his eyelids went shut down. When it became 10 o’ clock, he does not know. Dinabandhu came and knocked his door with food for dinner. Eating dinner, he has slept.

   All the questions he had prepared mentally, until now all those were peeping. In morning, finishing all the routine work, he reached at Kashi’s verandah at sharp 9 o’clock. Kashi’s mother was there in the front room sitting calmly on a mat.

   Come lad! Come! Sit here, Ask! Whatever you have to ask, she said.

Okay Aunty, please tell your name. Anup asked.

My name is Kokila. She replied.

Your husband’s name, Anup asked.

She paused a while and hesitated to pronounce the name in her mouth.

Aunty, please tell the name! Anup again asked.

‘Okay lad! If you are asking, I am saying. He has left us since a long time. So what will happen more? His name is Dhobei Behera.’ She said.

Your cast, Anup asked.

Angler, she said.

‘How many members are there with you now? Anup asked.

I am alone.’ She said.

Any others are there outside home. Anup wanted to know.

‘Yes, one son is there, and he is her only son Kashi, but he is not outside but he is on jail.’ She said.

Why, what had he committed? Anup asked.

‘What are to tell you? There is no benefit at all. He will never return. He will be there throughout his life.’ she clarified.

‘Aunty, I am from Bhubaneswar. You cannot understand in which organization I am working. However, if I know all the truth about your son, I may help you. May Kashi be released from jail?’ Slowly Anup put a turn on his dialogue and said with a loving voice.

   As if a person entrapped under a collapsed building in earthquake if remain alive, and with a distress to escape from that trap, if someone reaches at him by excavating the place, at that moment, as the feelings of the trapped person, so the feelings of the Kashi’s mother became.

Koki stared with confusion to Anup’s face for a while.

Oh son, really it may happen. She said.

Yes Aunty! Why is not it possible? Anup consoled.

‘Oh son, you are saying all these things to me, but if the village landlord hears this, he will make you out of this village.’ she said.

‘Why will anyone know? It is in between you and me. So without fear you say all the true matters about Kashi.’ Anup assured her.

In the burdened mind of Koki, as if a pursuit of consolation made a layer to cover all the accumulated sorrows in her heart.

‘Oh son, There is no milk in home. Shall I prepare milk-less tea for you?’ She said.

   ‘No, Aunty! You do not at all bother about him. He has had breakfast. You just think I am your son like Kashi, so you unveil everything to me.’  

‘My dear, you have to keep patience. Would you sit?’ she said.

‘Aunty, no tension, how long is it? You start.’ Anup said.

Okay, then you hears. She continued to tell.  

I was having a beautiful world. My family was comprised of Kashi, his father, and I. we blessed with Kashi just after two years of our marriage. Other than this ancestral homestead, no other farming lands are there. Kashi’s father was working in landlord Ranbir Samantray’s home. What he earns, that was enough for our family. Our son grows up with unduly fondle. His physic was very handsome.

   I recall it, whatever he wishes in his childhood, his father fetched it for him. He loved him very much. It was Incident of a day. I had bought a balloon for him from village fair but it burst on the 4^th or 5^th day of its purchase. Kashi was of two and half years old. He was very stubborn in his childhood. He continued an obstinate for a balloon like that. The fair was over at that time, so where will be the balloon available? On that day, Kashi’s father returning from property owner’s home at 8 pm at night, he travelled about 8 miles and reappeared at 12 midnight with two pairs of balloons.

   In the same year, we sent Kashi to a private tuition centre in village. By sitting beside master Nidhi, the study in his life commenced. He goes to tuition centre after every two days of halt, and in these two days of halt, he shrieks and says, he will not go to study in tuition centre.

   Nevertheless, his beguilement towards temple God and Goddess is one of his wonderful dispositions since his infancy. He loves to impersonate there, where we worship keeping the portrait of God and Goddess. If inclined, he made obeisance. He enjoys very much to go frequently to the Radhakrishana’s temple in the centre of village. As if, digestion of his food hampers, if he does not visit the temple once in each day. When he looks Radhakrishana, he feels very much rejuvenated. His memorizing power is very sharp. He memorizes any information at once.

   After whole day’s hard labor, when his father backs, getting both of us with him, he was disremembering everything.

   In my parental home during my childhood, I had also gone to the village tuition centre for about two to three years. However, I am unable to recall, why the study circumambience of village tuition centre could not mesmerize me. I grow up at a glance of time engaging me in the works of our home and I got married. The ability to teach Kashi in home also was not in me.

   Though once in three days, he must go to the tuition centre and at least something he learns, it was my hope. With this type of typical unwillingness, I had compelled him to go to village tuition centre. Under no circumstances, I could create a little interest in him to go the village tuition centre.

   When Kashi was seven, in my knowledge, his study circumscribed with the ability to write the 49 letters of Odia language and a few derivative letters from vowels and consonants. In his knowledge domain of calculation, he was aware of addition and subtraction but not multiplication and division. However, he was looking healthy and handsome. It was the month of July that year. The rain already had commenced. The sky was overcastted with dark clouds. It was pouring heavily with a sequence of interval. The chilly wind was there almost every day. Roads, fields, and farms already overfilled with rainwater.

   At that circumstances, the condition of the road from this village to main road connect to Berhampur was untold. Even walking along the road was quite arduous. If anyone falls ill in the village, there are also not facilities of clinics or medicals nearby. Therefore, the patient has to go Berhampur for treatment. The patient from the village was taken either by a open bullock cart or by  a thatched bullock cart or by putting the patient in a basket, carrying on the head to the main road, then from there to Berhampur by  means of any automobile transport. However, to reach at this main road, it takes minimum of one hour. These eyes are the witnesses of death of Pandia Behera suffering from diarrhea, and Dasia pradhan from fever, on the way to the Berhampur main road. That year, from the next day of the car festival of lord Jagannath, the rain started to pour. All were terrified with the unnatural rain. The rain was nonstop for four days. It was even quite difficult to go out.

   I recall, that day, the oven of Bhikari Bhoi was not smouldered. His wife pleaded me to lend some rice to feed her children, as they were hungry for last two days. By luck, the father of Kashi had brought about 15 kg of rice from the squire’s house just before of car festival of lord Jagannath. I fetched her some rice to cook.

   The heavy rain was going on. Just after the six days of car festival, Kashi’s father suffered from fever. I do not feel comfort to share. He was lying on the mat covering the whole body with a blanket. I went to prepare tea with ginger and black pepper for him, but I found out the oven was full of water. Draining out all the water from the oven, I became overpower to boil a cup of water for tea. At noon, the temperature of his body rose sharply and he started to tremble. The situation perplexed me and I could not decide what the way to out is. I went to the squire’s house. I said about him to the elder squire. The elder squire likes her husband very much. He sends one of his clerks. He comes and after checking my husband, he returns. He tells the squire it is urgent to send Dhobei to hospital. At that moment, his pulse was severely quick. He was unable to speak. His face was turning pale. In the mean time, a cloud of doubt mingled with her thought.

What did happen to papa? Kashi asked her.

   The squire sent four laborers with a long cudgel and a big shallow basket having a cover of polyethene. They hanged the big shallow basket with the help of strong ropes in the middle of the cudgel like rope shelf. Hastily they put the Kashi’s father in side it, and two persons carried the cudgel on their soldiers and rest two assisted them in that pouring of rain. As soon as they crossed the doorsill, a black cat unexpectedly jumped and crossed in front of them. By visualizing this, the cloud of doubt, which had already settled in my mind, they profoundly darkened and my eyes wetted with tears. On the verandah holding Kashi, in my lap embracing closely, I just prayed lord Jagannath. Nevertheless, time turned into its portrait of fear. After fifteen minutes, I saw them returning with Kashi’s father totally getting drench themselves in the rain. I could not ken myself. Everywhere became dark for her. I ran in rain. I embraced the basket but from the basket, Kashi’s father did not tell anything to him. With I rushing in rain, Kashi also chased me in fear with same speed near to the basket. They brought the Kashi’s father out of the basket and made him lie on the floor. I was unable to console myself.

 What is this? How did it occur?

‘My beautiful small family just trapping me, as if under a huge mountain and I was in a state of felling.

After that, the study of Kashi was knotted. With the advice of squire, he worked in his house as a servant.

   With the passage of time, Kashi reached at the age of eighteen. Like a worthless person, he was having neither any honor nor reputation in this village and even nor in the squire’s house. If it is truly spoken, what is the meaning of honor and reputation and what is its essence in life, he was not aware and even he had not tried to discern. His life was just like a purely plain paper with a very little writing on it. Whatever was written on that blank paper, it was only the précis of two ideologies. Out of which, one is his work and the other is to enjoy every moment of life.

   He was not aware of pretext and hypocrisy. He was not at all fascinated with an aristocratic life. The place of ‘desire’ was not in his life. As a cowherd, accomplishing his duty consummately, whatever is given to eat, he has eaten with joy, and he has enjoyed his life with village people in every merrymaking observed in the village Radhakrishna temple. Moreover that, he greatly believes in God. Especially he feels very much ecstasy, when he participates in the amorous dance of Radhakrishna. At that moment, his ecstasy is untold. He hears and enjoys very minutely the eternal love of lord Radhakrishna.

   The word ‘anxious’ he has never harbored in his life. Though his voice is a hoarse one, in the herd of kine, let them grazing, he likes to recite any devotional song sitting on the branch of a tree. After returning from herd of kine, in evening, he only prefers to watch the religious programs or devotional songs in television but mostly he loves to be in the Radhakrisha temple of village. He gets gratification in temple during the evening rituals like waving of lights before idol of lord Radhakrishna, the hymn and cultural glory. At last, he hears very carefully and remembers ‘the recitation’ of the epics like Gita, Bhagawat, Ramayana, and the preaching on them by the temple erudite. Here after cooking something, I wait eagerly for his return. However, some days he eats with me and sometimes he does not.

   Though he was eighteen, he was not able to think anything intentionally. ‘Who are these Radhakrishna and what is the relation between them?’ though be in the temple in every evening, putting obeisance and participating in cultural glory, he was in blind. He is the God and he is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient, only this much he knows. ‘What is the benefit in worshiping of the all mighty and for what purpose all come to temple, and put obeisance before him’ he has never tried to ken.

   Almost every evening, he listens to the nectar tale of lord Radhakrishna and the epic Gita. In the festival of amorous dance of lord Radhakrishna in village, he is very competent to follow the recitation of the song without ascertaining the importance of all those tales and music.

   Perhaps after his father’s demise, the states of sorrow and pain he never knows in his life. He is healthy and stout in respect of his physique. Perhaps within these eighteen years, he will have fall in fever or ‘cough and cold’ or stomach disorder minimum of 10 times. Other than that, he has not suffered from any other disease. If someone scolds or disrespects him, He never hesitates about that, moreover, he apologizes.

   If someone falls, ill and he or she needs help of Kashi to go to hospital, he loses himself in cheers. As if the all mighty has filled energy in his stout arms to wipe the pains and sorrows of others. All love him in the village. Perhaps these loves of all have swallowed his honor and respect. He is not able to express even a rude word to anyone from child to old, which hurts.

   If at all he angry, only with me. I have never felt sorry for my son is having this type of typical life style. Other than him, who is there in this world with me? Whatever he does, however he does, it is enough, to be with me. Though, he had grown up to eighteen, but still then in evening returning from squires house, he will hug me and will start to elaborate about his time in herd of kine of that day.

   Like this, always he elaborates only about cows, oxen, herd of kine or the preaching from temple, what he hears. One evening, he suddenly came and sat beside me and started to tell, mum, I think, the veterinary doctors are more intelligent than these common doctors are. I suddenly wondered and staring at him.

Why are you thinking so? I asked.

Mum, you see, since last three days, one of the cows at squire’s house had fallen ill. She did not eat and drink anything. Today doctor came. Like human, cow cannot express about his pain, but what did that doctor understand, he put just only one injection, and the cow became all right. Therefore, is not that doctor intelligent as compared to human doctor! Mum, you say.

   ‘After hearing this, I just embraced and fondled him. The people of this village think that my son is a fool but no one knows, my son is the wisest of all in this village.’ I told and my eyes wetted with a few drops of tears.

   That year the youngest son Rakesh of Squire Ranbir Samantray got married. He works as a clerk in steel company in Jharasugurha. After his marriage, he reaches at home at 8 pm every Saturday and returns back at 4 am in every Monday. His wife belongs to Balasore and she is a postgraduate. She is beautiful and she has ability to win others heart with her sweet talk. In between, due to heavy workload in office Rakesh can’t come to home for a period of two to three weeks.

   The squire Ranbir Samantaray’s eldest son and his wife are in government service and they stay in Calcutta with their son and daughter. The life styles of their children are also fully accustomed with the busy city life. Every year during the festival of Chandanjata in summer, the family comes to village for 15 days. Their son reads in class VIII and daughter in class V in an English medium school in Calcutta. At present in village, the family of the squire Ranbir Samantay inclndes his youngest son Rakesh and his wife Rebati, ‘Raghu Mishra’ the squire’s clerk and my son Kashi.

   The year before the wedding year of Rakesh, the wife of Squire Ranbir Samantray has passed away in heart attack. Though, Ranbir Samantaray is of 70 now, he is not quite fit in respect of his health. The common habitual rudeness and behavior of squires and their governing style towards the common person of country is clearly distinguished from his every dialogue. A minute change has also not occurred in his ancestral land lordship’s behavioral attributes.

   The clerk Raghu Mishra keeps the records of all the lands, rents, and estates. Besides that, Raghu mishra takes care of the big garden just behind the squire’s house with the help of some daily laborers. The garden looks magnificent.

   The red petals of bunch of blossomed peacock flowers of the tree around the garden convert the scenery of the garden into a reddish environment at the time of Chandan festival of village. There are a number of different trees of flowers like Jasmine, Dahlia, Tuberose, Gilmour, and Marigold etc. The spreading tang of tuberose and nyctanthes at night in the garden mesmerizes the people going by the side of garden.

   After returning from morning walk, the squire goes to have a look on the cows in the cow shed and returns. Then he takes bath and worships. The youngest daughter-in-law Rebati fetches the breakfast, while he comes from the prayer back. When the breakfast is finished, the clerk Raghu Mishra arrives and the updating of rent and land accounts goes on. Sometime he beguiles his time by watching television. The lanch time arrives in this manner. After eating the lunch, he goes for a siesta at least for one and half an hour. Raghu mishra, the clerk remains busy in his work outside the house. To drink juice of cannabis every evening, is one of the bad habit of Squire Ranbir Samantray. He loves and believes Kashi very much. Whenever he has fallen ill, other than Kashi, no one has served him so much. Whenever Kashi serves him, he takes care of him sincerely with a feeling of self. No scruples born in his mind, that he is a servant. Though the squire loves him a lot, the ego of his land lordship maintains a long distance between Kashi and him. He sleeps after dinner at 9 pm.

   After the wedding of Rakesh, the wife Rebati of Rakesh entered as a serpent and she left after a sting in the life of my son. The wife of Rakesh was not at all happy with the absent of her husband in home and his dead drunk nature when he remains in home. What I realize, the wife of Rakesh did not at all like Rakesh and at this turn she twined my son Kashi round with her. Even my son was not cognizant of that, what the need of man for woman is. But how and what intimacy between my son and Rebati, the squire  Ranbir samantray detected, unexpectedly the youngest daughter-in-law Rebati found dead by setting ablaze herself in her bedroom. In a falsehood, he put my son behind the bar acquitting him in the charge of murder of her daughter-in-law Rebati setting ablaze after pouring kerosene on her. Who was there for me to whom I will plead? No one in the village put an ear to me. No one of the village took a favor of my son.  

   But, whatever it may be, one important secret is that, Rebati, the wife of Rajesh was really loving my Kashi very much. On the day, the police came to the village and hand cuffed my son, the village came to a standstill. While the police dragged my son to their jeep, as if the stream of the life of village came to a halt. There was no other way for me except screaming and hammering my forehead on the ground, everything resting on fortune.

   On the day, the youngest daughter-in-law Rebati died at 5 o’ clock in evening, deceiving every one she knocked the back door of my house.

Aunty, aunty, this is Rebati. Please open the door. She murmured.

I feared. In spite of that, I opened the door. Just at opening the door, she embraced me with sobbing.

‘You are my mother; Kashi has not committed any mistake.

Why does the omnipotent give birth to that type of human? Every blunder is mine. You will never irate at him. Surely, he will come from jail back. She sobbed out all these and gave me a notebook to hide it covertly. You keep it secret and it will help you indubitably in future. Otherwise, when Kashi will return you will hand over it to him.

What is this? I asked her.

It is a diary. She said.

She was sobbing. She bowed her head. Touching my toes with her hand, she touched her head.

‘I am going and I do not know when will we meet again but you never misapprehend Kashi’ lastly hugging me she told and left me.

    But the very next day morning, the news spread the village out that the youngest daughter-in-law of squire Rebati has been burnt at the stake in her bedroom. I could not trust myself. I have never expressed about her last meeting with me to anyone. Until today, I have preserved that diary under my pillow. If you want to thumb, it through you may take. You may get any clue or evidences from that which may help for my Kashi’s liberation. How much anxiety was prevailing in Anup’s mind so much ardency was also propagating? As though, he is now able to set Kashi free from the jail and the mission of his publishing house will reach at success.

So, Aunty, please give me that diary. He said.

‘She unveiled the diary and handed over to Anup. You are my son, you have promised. I told you everything and I transferred the last memory of Kashi to you, and then rest is yours.’ She said.

If a son suspects a mother, then the holy bond between them will be disgraced.

It was already 1 pm at that moment.

It is lunchtime now.

What do you eat? Koki asked.

   I will eat returning to my rented house. I have to stay for another 10 days in your village. Nevertheless, for which aim, I had come here, God fulfilled it.

    ‘Aunty I assure, your Kashi will come very soon back to you’ Anup said after hearing this as if the onerous.

   Life of Koki thrilled with a delirium of joy. Anup returned Dinabundhu’s house bidding farewell to Koki. The real goal of Anup is about to be completely achieved.

   Now the groundwork is to know, what information is in that diary, and really is that helpful for appeal to set free Kashi from jail.

   Anup went to bed at 9 o’clock after taking dinner on that last day of survey of village. Lying on bed, to skim that diary was his intention and he began to do so. His mind did not allow him to get to sleep and an excitement arose in him, to find the details out in the diary. However, the whole day’s tiresome work compelled him to get to slumber. Anup’s perception is that, this diary will help to prove the Kashi’s innocence. He already has the secret information of his mission. Only after reaching his home, he will pore over the diary and will be aware of everything.

   Next day morning, having the breakfast Anup met all the members of temple committee and bade adieu to them.

   At last, he met and thanked the squire Ranbir Samantray for his kind cooperation and bade a farewell to him. During lunch, he took the lunch in Dinabandhu’s house. At 2 pm, he tendered his sincere gratitude to Dinabandhu and his wife for their unforgettable affection and help and left them. He returned Bhubaneswar with his entire luggage. On the stroke of 10 at night, he reached Bhubaneswar. At that time, Radhika feeding her son had made him slept. She herself was waiting to Anup with a flutter. Though she was watching the television, her  ears were concentrated at calling bell. She has not seen Anup since about one month.

   How much the wait was becoming long so much she was impatient for the ebullience?

   The calling bell rang. The happiness of Radhika was untold. Opening the door, she smiled at him.

   Perhaps the train became late. Taking the bag from Anup’s hand, she asked.

  Yes, Anup said.

 Okay, you become fresh. I am fetching dinner for you. She said

All right, Anup said.

   Anup becomes fresh and goes to bow his head in front of God in his home’s worship-room. Radhika already served the dinner for both of them. They sat together to eat. Before dinner, Anup also had fondled his son on bed. Did the mission become fruition? During the dinner, she asked sweetly.

It is uncertain. He replied.

Whatever I had to accumulate, I have done it, but let us see what is there in the luck of Kashi. After dinner, both of them sat on the bed for a while.

   Radhika’s mind was unable to refrain from the ardent desire to have coition with Anup. Sitting behind Anup, she dragged him towards her bosom. Embracing him tightly she rubbed her cheek with the cheek of Anup. While Anup was in a mood to dissolve in the ecstasy instantly, he told Radhika to bring the diary unchaining the bag. At that point, of passion, Radhika was not at all interested to leave Anup. However, what can she do? She has to obey Anup. Anup started to skim the diary.

 Please, you will read it tomorrow. Radhika requested.

Anup could not reject her plea. Both of them slept.

                     

*****

V  

    After a long one-month trip, today morning, he is relaxing in his home his son is also playing wandering around him. He started to skim the diary, which he had brought from Kashi’s mother. From the beginning, the writing was………

   In that day, Rakesh was not in home. He was in Jhasugurha. As the father-in-law was ill, he was lying on his bed. Getting up early in the morning Kashi had finished feeding of all the cows and stood in the courtyard. During this, I went to bed of father-in- law and cleaned it. I fetched toothbrush and tooth paste for father-in-law. Father-in-law came to courtyard. He brushed his teeth and went to toilet. After taking bath, he returned to his bed. I took breakfast and medicine for him. Eating the breakfast, he lay on bed again. Hurriedly I came and entered into the bathroom.

   Kashi was brushing his teeth. After taking bath, in my bedroom, I was just changing my wet Sari. At this moment, after brushing his teeth, abruptly Kashi entered into my room. I was suddenly seized by the fear.

What are you doing, Kashi? I asked.

No, Bhabiji (sister-in-law), I came here to eat something as you finished bath. At that turn, I was half-nude. Droplets of water were adhered around my whole body. I was preparing to knot my hairs. Kashi was eying my body minutely.

   He was inspecting me from top to bottom. Scrupulously, he was looking my bosoms more eagerly comparing to other parts of body. From the look of Kashi, anyone can interpret that, he does not know, why God has created the different components of a woman’s body. What is the utility of woman for a man? It was the naked truth that, he was ignorant about this. As earlier to this, he had come and backed observing my body several times, as if there are not at all any reactions in his mind and body. However, that day, it was somewhat discrepant.

Perhaps that day, the cupid had sown the seeds of sex in her mind.

Ok, Bhabiji, you explain me one thing.

‘I do not understand why you are looking me extremely beautiful. Particularly when you come after bathing and changing your sari, you are looking extremely gorgeous and that moment excites me to hold you hugging tightly.’ he narrated.

   Momentarily, I surprised a little. Mentally I smirked at his ignorance. Up to that moment, capriciousness in my mind was borne. I was not in a condition to restrain the strong, stout, and handsome figure of Kashi.

Ok, then you comes. I signaled him.

If you feel good to come and hug me, then you do so.

Bhabiji Really, Listening to this, Kashi urged to conform.

   After saying this, he walked slowly to me and embraced me very tightly. I split myself into another sphere. But, Kashi was lost first time in his life. Embracing me, he was only putting soft strokes all over my body. He was tending towards the state of impatient, pressing my bosoms with his face.

   There is something more than this, even then he was incognizant. But I couldn’t at all regulate myself. I slept with Kashi on my bed. I made him learnt everything. Both of us enjoyed one another fully in the abode of cupid.

‘You leave here’ in haste, I just got from bed up and said to Kashi. I will do my work.

What did it occur, Kashi asked.

All of those happen between me and your youngest squire that took place. I replied.

Then when he comes, we together will tell him all these happenings. He said.

Instantly, as if a thunderbolt fell on my head.

Kashi what a stupid you are. I raised hell. Like you, the second fool will not be born in this earth. If anyone other than you and me know this, we will be discredited. All will hate us. The youngest squire or the eldest one, if knows this, they will kill us.

They will kill you also. Hearing this, he asked in panic.

Yes, of course I said.

Then I will never spread it to anyone thought I may die.

But, Bhabiji what such thing did we discharge, all will hate us. He said.

Sin, I said. In this society, all call it as an act of ‘sin’.

Sin, Kashi shocked.

 Bhabiji, do you know, once in an evening in temple, Srimad Bhagabat Gita (the holy epic ‘Mahabharat’) was skimmed. The Pandit ‘Sura’ was reading and preaching. The Pandit ‘Raghu’ was also there. We were about twenty to twenty four people there as audiences. It is hard to recollect for me ‘from which stanza of the epic the word ‘sin’’ appeared.  

What is the meaning of this word ‘sin’? The brother Balia of our village asked.

Which is not accepted by the society is ‘sin’. Like to kill human, to thief, to hate others, to have coital relations hip other’s wife, to tell lie, all of these are an act of sin. The Pandit Sura replied.

I am a fool, you discern this very well.

Once I had gone to temple with my mother, I recalled.  

My mother bowed her head before the divine pair Radhakrishna. I also bowed my head.

  Mum, in this divine pair, one is lord Krishna and another is Radha, but what is the relation between them. I asked her.

 They are God, mum replied.

Who is Radha in relation to Krishna? I asked.

Aunty, the wife of his mother’s brother, she stared.

   From that day, I confirmed this is the idols of an aunty and her nephew. The aunty and nephew stand tied to each other in an eternal affection. That incident, recalled in my mind instantaneously.

Oh! Adored Pandit, I said

‘The idols of divine pair Radhakrishna which are in our temple, they are aunty and nephew in relation to each other.’ My mum was telling.

‘They have stood tied to each other in an eternal love. Are they committing any act of ‘sin’? Because, to keep physical relation with the wife of other is an act of sin, you defined.’ I continued to argue.  

Adored Pandit Sura boiled with rage.

You are a bogus, how can you understand? He raised hell.

My voice turned feeble.

Oh adored Pandit, Please bless this stupid one so that a little change may come into existence in this pity life. I appealed.

‘What did your mum say that is not false? Radha is the aunt of Krishna. But, the intimacy between them is the symbol of eternal love.’ He convinced me.

What is this eternal love? I asked.

This love is perpetual, immortal, and disgrace less and it is far more above the social, physical, and mental relations. This affinity neither comprehends any discrepancy nor tries to figure it out. The lord Shri Krishna is the omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent. He is mysterious. Therefore, this eternal love is a little part of his mystery.

   All these explanations of Pandit Sura’s preaching seemed valueless before a bogus like me. All these noble talks mystified me.

   Gems are abundant in theosophy and philosophy but to enter into the realm of this, wisdom is the basic essence. To conceive about the eternal love of lord Radhakrishna, one must understand the ascertainment of truth, the real essence of life and the inner-soul of a thing.

   Oh adored Pandit, there are so many squids in this world like me. What can they perceive from this divine knowledge? If it is phrased in a very elementary argument, any common man after eyeing this exquisite idols of divine pair of lord, Radhakrishan in an indistinctive way, would he cognize any other thing other than the affinity between a man with the wife of another.

You sit shut up. Pandit Sura fumed at me.

You know nothing. I sat seized with fear.  

But, Pandit Sura went preaching on.

The Kashi’s statement is quite wrong, we cannot conclude.

‘Whatever the human being sees in this cosmos, are they all true? No, even what are beyond our imagination, that are true.’ Pandit Sura said.

That day, with this syllogistic argument the skimming of epic ended up.

Coming from temple back, I asked the same question to my mum.

Oh my dear, to ruminate about the almighty in this manner, is an unforgivable mistake of life. Mum advised me.

‘Mum, you see, when the festival of amorous dance is observed in our village temple, lord Krishna sings and dances with so many women called ‘Gopi’. All those women are the wives of others, and then at that time, the absolute being was not committing the act of ‘sin’.’ I confronted.

Therefore, Bhabiji, now you define what the ‘sin’ is.

I did not have any answer to this unprecedented question.

Ok Bhabiji, then you tell keeping relationship with his aunt, the all merciful lord Krishana did not commit ‘sin’ or did not he consign to the act of ‘sin’ spending his adolescence in singing and dancing with the wives of others (Gopi).

   Hearing all these typical questions from Kashi, I sat musing with wonder. It was beyond my thinking that how was he kept as a servant in this house. Being familiar as a dim, he quibbles likewise. Though I was a postgraduate degree certificate holder from Berhampur University in political science, the questions like these were never transpired in my mind throughout my life. I have read with fascination all the twelve parts of the epic Shrimad Bhagabat of Jagunnath Das for a period of seven years in every evening but these perplexity and confusion generating questions have never peeped into my mind.

    To respond his question’s answer, I said Kashi, to mull the almighty over is a heinous vice, and crime, because he is mysterious and owing to his mystery only this world has come into existence.

Does the supreme not love to the people who rest on truth? He put another question.

It was 9 o’clock at that moment.

You leave now and we will converse later on. I said him.

This was my first coition with Kashi, but far long before, I have positioned him at a distinctive place in my heart, because though I have wedded to Rakesh but he is the whole to me during my pain and pleasure, well and worse, grief and mourn. Since my marriage, His selfless tender makes me insignificant before him.

   Kashi is a wonderful character for me. Perhaps no one has discerned him. However, he does not know reading and writing except all 49 Odiya letters from ‘A’ to ‘Ksha’ but his power of memorization is very intensive.

   How much the word is typical or the sentence is a complex one, he conveniently remembers and perfectly pronounces. He hears every discourse and disquisition very sincerely. But, in today’s society his pretence less attitude and the attribute of sameness and impartiality has transformed him into a fool. In his life, there are neither tears in pain nor beatitude in pleasure. It will not be false to address him calm and desire less person.

   In a so big house, except us three no other persons are there. The clerk comes only once and sits beside father-in-law for utmost one or one and half an hour in a day, and departs. If it is checked in this house, father-in-law, Kashi and I reside. If Rajesh comes, he only comes on Saturday and sets from home out at four o’ clock in the break of the dawn on Monday. Nevertheless, his staying in home does not make me happy, because he is a man of stupefying characteristics. He has never learnt what the necessity to love wife is. He arrives home as a drunk on Saturday. He brings wine for Sunday also with him. Just for the sake of bed, he sleeps with me. It is already about one year to our marriage perhaps he will have intercourse with me maximum of three to four times, until today I am also deprived of to be pregnant.

   Therefore, in this humiliating silence of such a big house Kashi is everything in the dessert of my mind. Whatever I require Kashi arranges for me. At the time of my illness, doctor only checks up and prescribes the medicine but Kashi is my real minion. He is unaware of the physical relation between a man and a woman. He has never served me with any desire in his mind. When I am sick, he massages my legs.

   At the times of headache, holding tight my clipped plait, he chafes my forehead and says, his mum says, by chaffing in the manner, the headache will go away.

   It has happened a number of times with me earlier, I become seriously passionate to hold him braced, but from the angle of honor and reputation of family, I have refrained myself with agony. It has also occurred a number of times with me, I will have forgotten to take my dry sari to the bathroom during my bath. I call Kashi to the bathroom during my bath. I call Kashi to bring my sari and he comes straight with the sari to the door of bathroom. In my acquaintance, I open the door staying half-naked and hold my hand out for sari. I have never experienced any change in his disposition.

What a strange boy, I surprise.

Which ingredients his body is made of. He leaves that place without a pinch of hesitation.

    Perhaps he is insensible to cajole and pretence. The almighty has saturated his life with work and peace. Though no one credits him honor, until today, by the virtue of his pious work in previous life, his life is desire less. Perhaps realizing the pious adage of Lord Buddha ‘if he has conquered greed nothing can limit his freedom’ in his previous birth, he has born on this earth. If any theosophist analyses the life of Kashi, certainly he will ascertain that in this materialistic world, Kashi is one of the dearest human of the supreme soul. Whoever calls for help at any moment, if he is available in home, he beams, and unconditionally he lends a hand?

   From that day’s incident, Kashi is no more a servant to me. He is now the dearest and the most lovable friend of me in this universe, even more than my husband is. Although he has not received any attestation of social dignity as my husband, but is fact, he dwells as husband in my heart. It is also an interesting surprise that even though Kashi has fucked me ones, his eagerness is not at all there to drown with the ecstasy again. As if, he is a lust less man.

   Failing to prevent myself from the craving for my biological satisfaction, whenever I want, I use him. If in the court of the all merciful, our case is put, Kashi will be purely exonerated. All culpability is of mine.

What could I do?

There was not luck for me to go to my parental estate. Parents are no more.

   After giving me in marriage, he has not returned from Derhadun. He is there with his family since last six years. My uncle had also departed to the almighty since a long. Before marriage, I was in Derhadun for one year. My sister-in-law never loves me. So after my wedding, in all festivals, functions and fairs, he only dispatches some money to my father-in-law. Until today, he has never told to take to his staying place, and I have not wished to go there after getting involved in Kashi.

   The all time absence of Rakesh and the saturnine of silence held the relation between Kashi and me intact. Not only for the sake of our coital relationship, but also for his unique contemplation, I gradually lost myself.

   Every evening in Kashi’s daily routine, he leaves for village temple after feeding the cows and calves. I urge him to take a handful of snacks in evening before going to temple, because he returns from there at about 9 pm. when he comes back, our conversation is carried out for about one hour every day. Within that, the extracted answers of the wonderful arguments grasped from temple by Kashi runs with full swing. At about nine pm father-in-law lies down on his bed. He believes in Kashi so much, even he can never think in his dream about our physical- relationship. At sharp 11 o’ clock at night, the light in courtyard is switched off. Therefore, Kashi takes his departure to his home at 9.30 pm.

   Before his setting out to his home, I always wish him to have the dinner. Only some days he eats. When he leaves without food, I am hurt. Truly speaking, my soul does not permit me to address him just with you without any respect as done in the Indian family system but the honor and reputation of this landlord family compels to do so. I have come across a number of characters in my life but I had never dreamt of to actualize   my life with such a wonderful character.

   Our coital relationship was limited only in the day because, in all dusk, listening to recitation of epic Shrimad Bhagabat and Ramayan in temple was Kashi’s most loving work in his life.

    At 9 pm, after hearing the recitation of epics he comes to me and gets the utmost pleasure to preach on all those discussion of the theosophical phenomenon in temple. All his theosophical argument and those extracts before me bestows me limitless enchantment. Eyeing his jubilance, no one can feel the extent of my happiness other than me.  

   At six o’ clock in all daybreak, father-in-law and the clerk go out for morning walk and they back not before 8 am. Every dawn, I get probably up at five o’ clock. After leaving the bed, I remain busy in sweeping the rooms up. In the course of cleaning the utensils of kitchen, the hour hand of clock reaches at six. Every day morning, Kashi arrives at 6 am in our house, and after feeding all the cows and calves, he becomes expansive wandering around the courtyard.

   If he sees me cleaning the utensils he wants to extend his help but I prevent him to do so. Sitting on verandah, he starts gossiping. Generally, the gossip includes about any incident of cow grazing or the apprehended homiletics from temple. Every day at 6.45 am, I enter into bathroom to take bath. During that, Kashi remains engaged in doing something in courtyard. When I commence to wet my naked body below the shower, I obsessed for his presence by me. However, I hesitate to call him. Kashi does not take bath in morning. When I reach in my bedroom with my wetted body after shower bath, I signal him to come inside. The then it is 7 am. No one is there in house. I come shutting down the front door. So then, I enjoy Kashi on my bed how many times I expect. Until today, we have the intercourse only in this daytime. It has never become practicable at night. At about 7.45 am, I open the front door and father-in-law with clerk appears.

   Gradually Kashi continues to satisfy my biological exigency and his wonderful arguments about the almighty and their counter statements slowly tends to become my mental aspirations. As much, I surprise so much I thrill after listening to his entire neatly grasped summary of epics Ramayana and Bhagabat from the temple pundit. Nevertheless, since I have told him the word ‘sin’, from that moment, a great question nests in his mind.

What this sin is?

   He was not at all able to swallow the definitions of ‘sin’ described by pundit Sura on that day. Coming from the temple back, he sat hurriedly on the front verandah of my bedroom.

      Bhabiji, you see, pundit Sura was saying ‘to kill man is an act of sin’. Then okay.

But today chanting a verse line

“Yada yadahi dharmasya, glanir bhabati bharat,

Abhyuthanam adharmasya, tadatman srujamyaham,

Paritranaya sadhuna, binasayacha duskrutam,

Dharma sansthapanarthaya, sambhabami yugeyug”

from Shrimod Bhagabad Gita pundit Raghu explained that, the all merciful  lord Krishna have told Arjuna when on the abode of earth, the act of sin rises and the religion ruins at that juncture, I reincarnate and killing all the wicked, redeem the pious souls. Again, I establish the religions.

   It was already happened that ‘to kill those in this war I am here, they are none other than my nears and dears, then how can I finish them? With grief and sorrow, keeping his bow and arrow on chariot’, Arjuna told to the omniscient lord Krishna.

   Oh my dear Arjuna, whatever are you viewing here, that are false, it is not at all factual that you will slaughter them. Several times, I have put them to death and again have brought them in to life. You are mere, if you butcher them you will do ‘sin’, it is purely erroneous. Whatever is going universe on, everything belong to my mystery. Whatever you accomplishing ‘you just abandon the concept of ‘self doing’ from your mind, heart and soul and gives away every achievements to me of your life. Indubitably, you will dematerialize in me. You will attain the final salvation. Your soul will be absorbed in the supreme soul and you will not take rebirth again. You will not feel the pain and sorrow of this material world. The stupefying illusion of Arjuna ends with this theosophical lecture of Lord Shri Krishna and there itself Arjuna views the assuming all forms of Shri Krishna.

   Hence, Bhabiji, the almighty said that if at the time of carrying out any work or to slaughter men in war without an ego of self-accomplishing, and delivering all the fruits of your work on to the all merciful, you will not sin.

   Then pundit Raghu held to preach on. Virtue and vice are complementary to each other. Two sides of a coin. Where there is ‘sin’, there is ‘virtue’. The ‘virtue’ takes birth from ‘sin’ and vice versa. The syllogistics was in progress between pundit Sura and pundit Raghu. The time was near to end, and then the arguments were kept indiscreet for the next day. All left for their homes from temple.

When Kashi finished such talks then it was 10.20 pm.

Eating dinner, you go. I said to Kashi.

Mum will be waiting for him. He refused and said.

  Bye! In a blink of an eye, he left that place.

Though I am helpless, I fell distress. After lying down on bed, I wondered about Kashi.

Why did not the all-merciful make him my husband? In my mind, I complain.

Though I feel the necessity of his presence on my bed at every night, I was not in such a circumference to do something. Next day morning, completing all his routine work, he leaves with herd of kine for the grassland without a look at me. He was not there in home, when I called for breakfast.

Papa, Hasn’t Kashi comes. I asked to father in law.

Today very early, he departed with herd of cattle. Father-in-law said.

There was not the herd of cattle in cowshed, when I inquired.

I felt very sorry. What a boy is he?

Even he did not meet me in morning. Why did I hover in a complete turmoil? I do not know, but I sat waiting his return in dusk.

After coming back at 5 pm, and tying all the cattle in their respective positions in cowshed, Bhabiji, Bhabiji, he called.

I was in fury. I did not hear him knowingly, though he was repeatedly naming.

Are not you okay?

Do not you feel good?

Saying this, he brought his right palm to my neck to sense whether there is fever in my body.

   I bared my irritation, and dislodging his palm from my neck with an annoyance softened with love, nothing has happened to me, I said.

Any other thing occurred. He asked.

Do you angry with me? He trailed me to bedroom.

You have not met me since morning. Even then, you are irking me.

When did you go with the herd, I could not note it even.

Bhabiji, I feel very hungry. He said.

All of my displeasure vanished.

In addition to fermented boiled rice with water and the other dishes, which I had cooked, I served him on the verandah. He was eating with zest. I sat gazing before him with an inner pleasure.

Having finished the food, the dishes are of very good taste. He said and left the place.

I sat waiting for his return at night.

   When he returned, it was 9 at night. I was in a position to press my clothes, when came in. Just sitting on the verandah, he unlocked his box of secret wisdom. As if familiar as a fool in this world, he is a wise ascetic. In the meantime, I also have been tagged to him as his better half.  

   Continuously hearing the preaching about spiritual and theosophical knowledge from him, apart from the coition, my thirst for knowledge has been raised high.

   Today, the epic shrimad bhagabat could not be recited, as pundit Sura and pundit Raghu had not come.

   All the clothing and jewelry ornaments were laid scattered in the temple’s storeroom.  

Kashi, you come, we will keep it arranged. The temple priest said.

So, the priest and I turned to do. We the set the crown, the silk cloth, tinkling ornament, ornament for the ankle, nose ring, ear ring, tassel, peacock’s feather of lord Radhakrishna in order.

Bhabiji, do you know! In last August, the recitation of the Brahmapuran (one of the ancient Hindu mythology scripture) was going on. That day, pundit Raghu preached.

This universe is full of souls. This soul is far above the vice and virtue. Each soul is having an eternal ardency be absorbed in the supreme soul, where there is not vice and virtue, pain and pleasure birth and death. If once the soul is absorbed in the supreme soul, then it does not return to enter into a being again. He wanders for evermore with everlasting peace and pleasure. Soul, to merge with the supreme soul, one means is essential. Without any means, the soul can never associate with the supreme soul. Out of the all, the prevailing ‘means’ of universe human being is the best. It is the mould resulting from the unstained previous birth’s pious deeds. During restless wandering of any soul in the abode of universe, it enters into the wombs of a woman, now of coition with a man and moulds into a life form. Gradually it grows inside womb and turns to a piece of flesh. Progressively this piece of flesh waxes into the shape of a human anatomy. Within six months to copulation, it completely changes into a perfect human anatomy and its sole eagerness within the womb to get the attainment of the supreme soul continually haunts it. There, being in the state of restless with pain it goes on searching the supreme soul. It gets countless pain there. The ordure, saliva, large number of worms and foul smell makes it throws here and there in the womb.

Oh! the merciful, oh! the supreme soul, please liberate me from this intolerable pain.

Please rest me before your beautiful foot. It pleads and screams.

Nevertheless, the mother does not realize the pain of the soul in from of a being inside. How much pain, the soul gets in the womb, so much pleasure, the mother feels. In the throes of liberation, when restless life in the womb is thrown here and there, its mother gets beatitude thinking that her child is alive and roving inside. Supplicating salvation, the soul in the child with a bowing posture, when roves waving its hands and legs with pricks inside the womb, that moment’s inexpressible sweet pain in the mother’s heart can only be verbalized by a mother.

   While this supplication perplexes the supreme soul, at that heavenly moment, it may be ten months ten days, the life mould of soul frees from the mother’s womb. When it gets the way to out from the mother’s womb, its wonderful happiness is beyond imagination. Being bewildered in salvation, it raises it’s both the hands up keeping both the palms touched each other parallel.  

   As if it thinks, my destination is at hand. The all merciful made me reach at the last tread of my assay. During come out of the life, mould of foul in the form of a child from mother’s womb how much it excites with happiness so much the mother suffers from pain. No pen in this material world has the strength to pen in detail, the pain of a mother in the time of delivery.

   At last, all the doors of the mother’s womb open up and at that time, the life mould of soul touches the ground in the hands-up position, keeping both the palms touched each other parallel.

   Really, this type of phenomenal configuration of a living being during its birth, only visualizes in case of developed animals. The moment it grounds, the soul assumes that perhaps I reached at the supreme sole. So, it bursts into cry and waving its legs and hands it carries to search out it’s the supreme soul. As if, it is seriously impatient for its goal.

When did you go? You take me to you. It cries with anxiety.

   At the time of its high-pitched cry with flapping its hands and legs, the mother presumes that my child feels hungry. Picking it up into her lap, the first milk that streams down from her breast, she feds the beginning drop of it in the mouth of the child. When the life mould of soul tastes such sweetness of the milk, it again fraternizes with the vanity of the physical universe. It forgets instantly the supreme soul for which he had endured so much pain, sorrow, and anxiety to arrive here. Again, it mingles with the fascination of world. Attaining the state of child, and adolescence, if it does not forget the earlier aim, then the pious deed of this birth helps it be absorbed in the supreme soul.

   My bewilderment was overwhelming my sense of humor hearing all these beautiful and wonderful preaching. A wish was peeping in my mind just to bow my head before Kashi’s feet. How much he is wise and how much he knows.

   After narrating this, Kashi turned to say, Bhabiji, you know on that moment hearing the preaching of pundit Raghu, I do not know why did tears dropped from my eyes. I mused, how wonderful this world is? I am also a soul. Could I really merge with the supreme soul? Out of all the wisdoms about universe, the spiritual or theosophical wisdom is the greatest.

   It is about 9.30 pm at that moment.

All right Bhabiji, you tell me one thing, if the wandering soul enter into the mother’s womb at the time of coition between a man and woman then I cogitate, what we both are doing is not that intercourse? Then until today, why any soul has not entered into your womb. What can I answer to such question? It was beyond my discernment. Before this deep wisdom of Kashi, my ingenuity is so mere, I already perceived it.

To reply his question, ‘you have never fucked me whole heartedly’, I told perhaps for that only, no soul of this universe has not come into my womb.

   Hearing all these preach of wisdom from Kashi, the tranquil zeal of my soul is to have a child from Kashi. But, will this society accept it? I muse a lot like this. In this conversation, the night reached at ten o’ clock. Like lightning, Kashi left that place.

You eat and go, I said.

However, without an ear to this, he disappeared.

That night, I did not get a wink of sleep. The whole night thinking about the theosophical knowledge of Kashi, the dawn was broken.

   As it was a Saturday, Rakesh had to come. Last Saturday he had not come. His comings and goings do not mean anything for me these days. At the beginning, I was crying too much thinking about the all merciful tied such a human with me as my life partner, who never comprehends my physical as well as mental needs. Perchance the omniscient colored my life with the color of Kashi. There is not at all interest in the homecoming of Rakesh. Witnessing the fire in altar, as I have asked for his hand in marriage, at least social customs has to be maintained. It was already 8.30 at night. Kashi was in temple. Rakesh arrived home. As earlier, there was neither smile in his face nor a sweet talk in his mouth. From my side I fetched and gave him the towel to change his dress. He washed and changed his clothes. I served him dinner but he told I already have in train. Entering into bedroom, he fell asleep. Kashi returned from the temple at 9.10 pm.

Did sir Rakesh not come? Kashi asked.

Yes, he is sleeping on bed. I said.

Kashi went to the door of bedroom and put obeisance him there. Kashi you go and do not disturb me as I want to sleep. He said.

Bhabiji, my mum will await me. I am going.

He left saying this.

Finishing all the works of the home desperately with an intolerable feeling, I went to bed. When I reached bed, he had started to snore. I was tormented but suppressing my passion, I slept. Dawn broke. Rakesh went out for morning walk. Kashi arrived.

Bhabiji, you will be in pleasant mood, as the younger squire is here with you. Kashi said.  

How much I am pleased, later on I will tell.

What did he guess, he left place with the blink of an eye.

   Coming from morning-walk and eating breakfast, he went out to meet his friends. At two o’clock having his lunch, again he slept. At four o’clock, the game of playing cards started in the house front veranda with his comrades and after the game wandering and drinking outside with the friends, he reappeared as a drunk at eight pm in home. Who is asking about me! He slept as usually and reminded me to make him awake at 4 o’clock in the dawn. The omniscient knows what happened on that day, but I do not know being drunk or with Dutch courage, that was a love less coition. That can be termed as rape. I felt very sorry. There was no scope to repent also. At 4 o’clock during cracking of dawn, I called him to wake up. Hurriedly with all his routine work, he set out to Jharsuguda.

It was morning then.

Yesterday night after ending my work of herd, directly I went home without meeting you. Kashi came and said.

Okay, no matter, but will you do a work for me! I said.

Which work, Kashi asked?

  ‘If Kashi’s mother would here and I would talk a little with her.’ I was intending mentally.

Therefore, I said to him that you go and fetch your mum and leave her here. She will accompany me in my work today.

Saying this, I went to father-in-law.

‘Papa, you say to Kashi to fetch his mother here now, to work with me today, as all the rooms are to be cleaned. She will help me as little’ I said.

Father-in-law also ordered Kashi instantly.

Fetching her mother, Kashi left her with me.

Kashi’s mother and I were busy in cleaning of rooms.

Dear daughter-in-law, the youngest squire would have come. Before initiating conversation with her, she asked me.

Yes, I said.

   The wish of my mental faculties is to address her with adored you, but this is against the tradition of land lordship. However, I was not at all interested but I was chatting with her friendly.

   My Kashi is carrying out his duty properly or not. She asked me. He is a fool. Until today, he does not know anything about this material world. All know him as a damn stupid. However, sometime he posts such unique arguments before me. I stand stared.

   I conceive, my son is a great wise but why this society does discern him as a fool. I do not understand. He does not aspire for honor. Respect and disrespect both are equal before him. He does not know the difference between fame and defamation, or knowingly he assumes both are same, until today, I am in dark. So sometime, if he commits any mistake you please forgive him.

   ‘Possibly  you don’t know, the mother who will have so much devout deeds in her previous birth the son  like Kashi takes birth in her lap.’ I paused her and said.

In this big house, he is whole to me. His attitude attributes, and behavior has augmented my ardency to remain alive in this house. I was not at all in a mood to allow Kashi’s mother to do any work. Within this conversation, I served her food.

‘Dear daughter-in-law, you are very nice’ after having lunch, she said.

 ‘Until today, I had not got or never hoped so much affection from anyone in this house. However, I became very much happy today, because you definitely will bring a little change in my son’s life.’ She said.

   ‘Kashi is very good, very intelligent, and very wise. No one has understood him within. What change do I bring in his life! He has altered my animation completely.’ That day listening this, she turned still.

With the gossips, the lunch was come to an end.

The cleaning of rooms ended up. The father-in-law came to courtyard and asked.

Yes papa, that is over. I replied.

   Kashi’s mother leaves for her house. I accorded her a 500-rupee note during her departure and said not necessary to tell anyone. You will shop a sari for you with this money. She did not agree, when I requested, for my sake, then only, she took that.

   Kashi returned from herd and left all the cattle in shed. Feeding all of them, Kashi came to me. He sat exhausted on the floor of my bedroom’s verandah. I feel very sorry when he sits on verandah floor. I used to wish, he would sit on my bed, but the tradition of landlord ship wrecks it. Bhabiji, today I do not sense well. After be seated, he commenced to speak.

What happened? I asked.  

   Today the cattle were grazing. At noon, the youngest calf, leaving the herd of kine rushed into the nearby Mohammedan hamlet. When I chased her, I saw there, two persons from Mohammedan community tying a fat calf to a tree, mercilessly put to the sword. The element of life puffed with a scream. Its head and body parted and dispersed. That place was splashed with blood. I trembled with timidity. Confoundedly, I escaped from that place to our herd lapping that calf with my hands. Since that moment, I could not sit tranquilly. Only one question is in my mind.

‘To kill animal is an act of sin’, pundit Sura was telling.

Then what a heinous sin they are committing?

   The cattle are like God and goddess in our religion. For that only, we worship cow. But, in their creed, the cattle are their nutrient.

What wonderful this world is? Bhabiji you say.

   I recall, an ox of uncle Phakira of our village was died tying post just before one year. Before it is decease, uncle Phakira had tied it to post. He was charged of committing an accursed sin. So to get salvation from that sin, biting a paddy straw in his mouth and holding a gunny bag, he begged door to door. With that only, he could not get emancipation. He consumed the cow dung solution. The water of holly river the Ganga was sprinkled over him. He went to lord Jagannath temple, Puri. On the salvation platform of lord Jagannath temple, he returned after deliverance.

   Then Bhabiji, you see, I am unable to ken one thing. If by sprinkling the water of the holy river Ganga, consuming the solution of cow dung and visiting the salvation platform of lord Jagannath temple, all the sin are vanished, then where is the hesitation to sin. This mean that, so long as the cow dung, water of Ganga and the salvation platform of lord Jagannath temple are there, there is no meaning to sin.

Then what does the sin mean? He argued.

   During Navaratri (Nine days during the festivities of Goddess Durga in India) to perform Jantal (a ritual of killing goats or sheep before the village Goddess in India during Navaratri), Mr. Pandera Pradhan of our village, within a day, slain two sheep brutally, before the village goddess, with the help of a sharp edged chopper. The moment of chopping, how were they excruciated? I lost my patience. Is not it an act of sin? I thought at that place. If in our creed, to kill cattle is an act of sin confined, then why didn’t it include the slaying of Ram, ewe, goat or hen are also sins.

Out of these, which is sin and which, is not. Therefore, Bhabiji, you clarify. He put another confrontation.

The answer was beyond my thinking.

‘The hens have life, fishes are also living creatures. We are eating them cutting into pieces. Then are not these sins?’ I kept my silence intact and he continued to argue.

‘If virtue is earned by slaying an animal before a goddess then how the sin and vice are differed.’ I am quite confused.

‘Where a particular animal is worshiped in one orthodox, it is the nourishment in other. Thence, what is the divergence in sin and virtue in this large society? Bhabiji, could you make me understood’, he appealed.

Pondering retort to all these dialectics, I fell into a state of turmoil.

Okay, firstly, you have your food, and then you will contemplate. I said.

I served the food, which I had kept for him very fondly. He was eating. I was just staring at his face.

Do not worry; slowly you will get the counterstatements to all these doubts. At last, I consoled him.

   That was a festive new moon day known as Chitalagi Amabasya, of Odisha. It normally happens in rainy season every year. This day is well known for the rites performed in the lord Jagannatha temple of Puri. Just before two days, the illness of father-in-law was a little aggravated. He was admitted to a private nursing home in Berhampur due to his high blood pressure with diabetes. Our clerk and Kashi were remaining with him in hospital. First day, Rakesh had come to the hospital and making all the arrangements for their stay, he had returned from there to Jharsaguda. Today father-in-law came home back, when there was no one in home. I had called Kashi’s mother to stay with me for day and night. Father-in-law was on his bed and the clerk was by him.

‘Since two days the cattle have not gone for outing. Whether my mum has fed them properly or not I do not know.’ Being distressed, Kashi came and said.

The dusk was nearing. Kashi went to cattle shed and feeding all the cattle, he returned.

‘Mum, now I am here, you may go home’ Kashi said to his mum.

I am leaving. His mother said to me.

It was about 7.30 pm.  

‘I feel very hungry. Bhabiji give me something to eat.’ He said.

   I became very happy within. Very quickly, I served hot boiled rice fermented with water, mix vegetable curry and dry powder of groundnut to him. He sat eating. Before initiating to say something, I put a brake and told, you just eat first. Then we will involve in a big conversation. When he was eating, I was staring at him with an inner happiness.

What is this brothel? After washing his hand, he suddenly asked me.

 I surprised, where did he listen?

‘Why, who did you ask?’ I said.

   Accidentally, the brother Dhadia of our village happened to come across me near nursing home in Berhampur. He stood by me for some time and we gossiped. His nephew is working in a private company somewhere in Bhubaneswar. He is also getting a very good salary now but he is spending most of it in bordello. His parents are deprived of essential commodities to live due to the lack of money.

Brother Dhadia, what this brothel is? I asked him.

You are a damn bogus. I cannot make you understand. He said this and left that place.

That is why I am asking you. Will not you say the same thing?

No, No I will not. You eat and go temple. When you return, I will say you all.  

Coming back from temple just sitting on verandah, he asked the same question. What is brothel?

Where, the prostitutes live. I said.

Who is this prostitute? He wanted to know.

Here I thought him really a damn fool.

The lady who satisfies the physical need of any man to earn money is known as prostitute. I said with love.

Then Bhabiji it mean, any man whether he is married or unmarried, he can keep coital relationship with any lady. Thence, as per pundit Sura, it is a heinous sin.

Nevertheless, why do they become whore? He queried.

When, they are distressed in want. I said.

Okay Bhabiji, what is that want. He asked.   

‘That wants are the money, which is required to fulfill the basic needs to live or the physical need. So, for the sake of money, they adopt this hatred profession.’ I clarified.

Then it is not ‘sin’. He commented.

Bhabiji, what is this physical need? He asked.

In the almighty’s wonderful creation, man and woman both get the mental as well as physical tranquility by performing coition.

Then what is this sin? He reiterated.

‘Okay Bhabiji, the woman who doesn’t have any want. Bread, cloth, and shelter everything she is having, even then if she enjoys the ecstasy with a man other than her husband then what will be she called.’ He made me ponder.

‘I was suddenly mystified and paused for a while because that lady is me. So, that type of lady is termed as fancy woman or prostitute.’ I explained.

Then you are a prostitute. Then you say, whether you are committing sin or virtue.

My voice diminished as if I fell down before myself. Tears could not control themselves and dropped wetting my cheeks.

Eyeing the tears in my eye, Kashi rushed like a child to me.

‘I am sorry, very sorry. I am a fool, a bogus. I don’t understand, which question should be asked to whom?’ He continued crying and said sitting by me.

I restrained my sob with much difficulty.

Kashi, you do not know, now I began to say. In this physical universe, above, all the things, one novel thing about which, pundit Sura preached in temple is ‘love’. In this world, where, when, and to whom, this love will happen no one can say.

   Kashi, I am in love with you. Without you, nothing seems good to me. Your happiness is my life’s joy and your sorrow has become my life’s pain. Without eyeing you for an hour, I am being uncontrolled. You will conceive all these I am doing knowingly but I am unable to hold anything within my mind’s boundary, everything is being occurred just like a floating leaf in the current of a river.

   I am a prostitute or any other thing else, I do not have also ability to think about this. Now you have become whole of my life. This is love. Vice and virtue both are same thing for me in this. The sinful relation with you seems more virtuous than virtue. Therefore, whatever you perceive about me, you perceive but I can never live without you. You are everything for me. I was continuing to tell with my tearful eyes. Kashi was also listening to me stagnantly with equal emotion. Tears were also dropping down from his eyes.

Please, forgive me. Kahsi pleaded and in the twinkle of an eye, he left that place.

The dinner, which I had kept for him, it left as it is. The night reached at dawn just only turning my sides on bed.

   In morning, Kashi had finished his cattle-shed work. That day also he had not come to courtyard. After taking bath and changing my Sari, I was in kitchen. He came. He looked at me with a different look. As if, a sign of untold love was in his face. Before telling something to me, I served the breakfast. Eating the breakfast when he went to clean his dishes, I refused him to do so and I said from today, after eating, you would leave the dishes as it is, because your dish cleaning is not so good. So, from today I will clean.

Then Bhabiji from today, I will clean it rather in a better way. He said.

Why will not you obey my word? I said with a little irritation. You will never clean the dishes.

Then he left with the cattle. In evening eating snacks, he went to temple. I waited for his return from temple. He backed at 9 pm and sat on the verandah as usual.

   Bhabiji, he continued to say. Today pundit Sura was preaching about Draupadi of epic Mahabharat.

  Draupadi is the wife of five Pandava brothers. He said.

  I suddenly confused.

‘One woman is having five husbands. More over that they are brothers in relation’ I asked.

‘Okay pundit, if now in our society, a lady weds five men, will it be accepted?’ Brother Radhua of our village wanted to know.

‘Why do you all compare the ancient features of the society with present features?’ Pundit Sura replied.

If we should not compare the present happenings in the society with the happenings of ancient then why do we skim these old epics? I argued.

   Everyday pundit gets angry with me and put the comment of bogus to me, but surprisingly today, why did he pause himself for a while and began to say.

   Dear Kashi, God blessed you to take birth in a poor family. Again, he snatched away your father in your childhood. Why it is so, it is beyond my understanding. Except reading and writing, the almighty has poured a lot of wisdom in your mind. You are a wise-fool. The novel thought behind each of your word and your questions are every time original. Every theme to word, you are grasping at a single note. You are discerning the meaning of each word. Sometime, you are putting such queries that I am also unable to find out the answers to that.

    No Punditji, not at all, I am a fool. My foolishness whirls my mind with all these contradictory propositions of the society, which inculcates all these muzzy questions in my mind.  

  Punditji, please forgive me. I apologized and continued to say. What can I do punditji, whatever you are stating as ‘sin’, I am finding same consequences in our all-old epics of wisdom? So I don’t understand, why does it retaliate with my conscience? From dawn to dusk, from herd of kine to temple, everywhere, every moment, I am searching the definition of the word ‘sin’, but everywhere, it seems me hazy. Sometimes I feel, nothing is ‘sin’ there. Whatever you term as ‘sin’ other accepts it as virtue. Sin and virtue seems alike. For that is why, sometimes I am disturbing you with many questions.   

   Really, the mistake is mine. Please absolve me. I am lying down before your feet. Saying this, I lay down straight before Punditji. Suddenly Punditji picked me up and dragged towards him. Keeping his fair complexioned heavy palms over my head, and chanting may God bless you, he blessed me.

   Time will come. You will get the definition of the word ‘sin’ from your own questions. He solaced me.

   Why did tears streamed down from my eyes, I could not ken. Hearing all of his words, my eyes were also wetted with tears. Today at this point, Punditji stopped the recitation of epic.

  Okay Bhabiji , then you say, how are you committing an act of sin. He asked and continued to say.

  Being the wife of five brothers, Draupadi is accepted as an immaculate woman, then why are not you? So, you don’t blame yourself. You are not prostitute. You are also an immaculate woman. He said.

   What is to tell him, I was in a dilemma? Only I was staring at him. The night reached at 10.30 pm., Immediately Kashi stood up and told Bhabiji, I am going home.  

   That whole night, I mingled and tormented in all his words and just turned my sides on bed without a moment of sleep. Sometimes eagerness was peeping in my mind, to escape from this family bond and to settle out side anywhere with Kashi, but where will I go? What is the income of Kashi? No, No, to think about this is stupid.

   Sometimes a fear surmounts in my mind, because it is very hard to hide the truth. The day on which, if anyone detects the relationship between Kashi, and me, then everything will go. Nevertheless, I was fully determined, if any day Kashi faces any harm for me, on the same day, I will commit suicide. But, for the proof of his acquittal, I will leave this handwritten diary for the society. I will hand over this diary to Kashi’s mother. After me, this society cann’t convicts him because the pious and sinless soul like my Kashi, is rare in this physical world.

   If anyone, on  behalf of this family does any type of injustice to him, then certainly this family will ruin because Kashi’s unselfish service has been strung in each member’s life of this family. With the touch of his tender aid, this family is still alive; otherwise, it would have died since long. Pondering with all these thought, the Kashi’s absence abruptly haunted me. In mind, I was cogitating, if Kashi were here I would love him immensely. With this muse, at a moment, the eyelids have been shut by instinct and the night has reached at dawn to crack.

   Next day morning, finishing all his work, Kashi was peeling the coconut in courtyard. Today you will go with herd of cattle after taking bath. I came to him and said.

Any work is there for me. Kashi asked.

   No, No, I have cooked rice (khechudi) and Dalema (curry) for you. The khechudi is the most favorite food of Kashi. So without saying anything, he went to bathe. Every day, he goes to take bath in our cottage’s backside pond. However, that day, I said him to take bath in my bathroom. In the beginning, he hesitated but due to my order, he entered into bathroom. Last night’s desires of my mind I was unable to forget when he began bathing, I just stared at his drenched body. I could not regulate my feelings. That time, the front door of house was shut. Father-in-law was on morning walk. Knowingly, I rushed into the bathroom.

I will drench you and will make you clean with soap. I said.

   I just leaned on his body below the shower. I lost myself in appeasement of my internal passion. Quenching my sensuality, the bathing of both of us ended. At that turn, Kashi had become very tired. I took him and compelled to lie down on my bed. Horridly, I changed my wet cloth and served the not khechudi and Dalema for him. Leaving the bed, he ate and went with the herd of kine.

   I bided for his home return like a pied-crested cuckoo. When Kashi got home in, on that day in evening, with the twinkle of eye, he left that place.

‘I am going to meet my mum. I would go temple from there and would return here at night.’ He said.

Okay, you take snacks and go. I said.  

I will eat something in my home, he replied.

It bothered me. I waited for his way; he arrived on the stoke 9. Sitting on verandah, he began to preach what he had heard in temple that day.

Bhabiji, today when pundit Sura was reciting Mahabharat, he was preaching that the ‘Karna’ is renamed as the most generous man in the epic Mahabharat. ‘Karna’ is one of the unforgettable characters of Mahabharat.

Then who are the parents of ‘Karna’, the brother Balia of our village asked.

The father of Karna is lord Surya (sun) and the mother is Kunti. Pundit Sura said.

I exclaimed at this statement.

I was having the knowledge that Kunti is the wife of Pandu. How did it turned up?

Kunti is the spouse of Pandu, then how did lord sun (suryadeva) come in between?

In your view, this is ‘sin’. I asked to pundit Sura.

Today pundit could not state any statement to my confusion. At last today, I faced the defeat before you and the answers to such question, really I do not have. Saying this, he stopped the recitation.

That night I astounded. Today from which side, the sun had set in, I pondered musing.

   That day, there was a wedding ceremony of daughter of an old bosom friend of my father-in-law. Before eight days, the invitation from him was already there in home. Father-in-law had told Rakesh to reach home today morning to accompany with us to the marriage. Nevertheless, yesterday he had informed that he could not come due to busy schedule in office. Father-in-law named Kashi and said to call his mother to stay in our cottage and we will set Berhampur out for the marriage function. I delighted very much. After my marriage, this is the second chance to go out of this cottage.

   Before two years, I had gone with Rakesh. The worriment of that day is unforgettable. In the nuptials party, he lost his sense consuming a bellyful of wine. That day, Kashi and I dragged him into the car and brought him home. But he is not with us today, and the relation between Kashi and me is in another phase. In my mind, I was very glad. Whenever Kashi goes with us, he wears a half pant and a half shirt. Before that day, I had fetched a pair of new dress for Kashi through father-in-law. I presented him the new dress and told him to put that on. He looked very graceful wearing that navy blue color half pant and while color half shirt. His anatomy with new dress looked like a film hero. Always he keeps very small bristles in his head. Combing of his hair or without it, both are alike for him.

   Kashi’s mother came at eight am. The herd of cattle will not go outside for grazing and they will dwell in shed. Kashi’s mother will take care of them. In our cottage, that day, Kashi’s mother and the clerk remained. As per the instructions of father-in-law, the taxi came and parked in our cottage lawn at sharp 9.30 am. We all three went to get into the taxi. While my father-in-law and I was supposed to sit in the backseat of taxi, unexpectedly, father-in-law said Kashi, to sit with me on the back-sit and he preferred to sit on the front seat beside the driver. I awed and extremely delectated within.

   The car began to move. According to father-in-law, we would return at 3 pm after attending the ceremony. In addition, we would not wait until night. As the car rolled ahead, I settled myself contiguous to Kashi knowingly on the seat. Wonderful happiness was prevailing in mind. We all enjoyed the wedding party with relish. I expended each moment of the party with Kashi in a very pleasant mood.

   We returned by the taxi. On the way, just before five km to home, the taxi came to a halt due to some problems in engine. It was a jungle road and full of risk. There were not any alternatives for the repair of car.

I am helpless. The driver continued to tell.

I cannot do anything here. I have to bring a mechanic to repair the taxi, otherwise it is not possible.

‘How can he cover the remaining five km, stress mounted in father-in-law’s mind because on that way, auto rickshaw or any other vehicle are not shuttled other than the scheduled  bus. The next bus to the village will come at five pm, so what to do.’ He mused.

‘If we go by this terrain to home then it is only two km. if you dare to amble, then Bhabiji and I can walk with you. There was not any other option.’ Kashi suggested.

Okay Kashi, we will go. Father-in-law said.

We all together began to walk. Father-in-law does not have so much strength, even to perambulate; even then, he coped with us. On the way, Kashi holding my hand leads me certain distance. It was already midway there. To that moment, the burning sensation of sunshine had not so declined. We were completely wetted with sweats, but I was not feeling any uneasy. I was very delighted with Kashi. The body and face of Kashi was sweating too much. Longing was prevailing in my mind, to wipe all the sweats from his face with the extremity of my Sari, which was not at all possible at that time. A small distance was to reach home. On the way, a canal came across. Kashi was sure that there would be no water in the canal but when he saw it, he awed. Father-in-law also frightened.

‘Do not dread, here I am with you.’ Kashi dared us.

At first, he took father-in-law holding his hand made him canal crossed. The pant with shirt up to his waist was completely drenched. Then he turned to me for crossing the canal. Griping my fingers of hand, when he was making me crossed within the water; knowingly I slipped my leg and screamed with fear. Kashi dragged me and hold me tightly with my drenched body and lastly showing helplessness he lifted me.

   And crossing the canal made me stand on opposite side. Father-in-law came hurriedly to me.

Sir, nothing has happened to Bhabhiji. Kashi said.

   With that drenched cloths, we reached home in evening. Those moments of that day, I can never forget in my life. Like this may the almighty bless the opportunity to remain always with Kashi was one of my desire then, but the all merciful didn’t keep my enchantment for another long days with his blessings. Perhaps what was I engaged in, that was ‘sin’.

   It was a Friday. Why the omnipresent had ordered the cupid in such an inauspicious moment of that day, I do not know. I was so fickle on that day; I had forgotten to shut the front door. After bath, Kashi and I were copulating on my bed.

   Abruptly Rakesh as an awful moment appeared and saw us. Due to the labor strike in his company, the company got locked. He went insane and acted as a demon. With no time, he tied Kashi with a pole in the courtyard. He locked me in my bedroom.

   He continued to beat Kashi with a plough-stick. From the drawing room, father-in-law also rushed. What did he cognize, he also started beating Kashi with the typical characteristic of a landlord. Both of them had shut the front door. My life’s last moment reached, I understood. They will kill me definitely.

   Today at night, they will pour kerosene into my bedroom and will burn me to death; both son and father were taking to each other.

   Hurriedly I opened this diary and I am penning everything. I also do not want to remain alive in this situation. I determined to commit suicide before their attempt to finish me inhumanly, but before that, I have to handover this diary to Kashi’s mother. Both son and father sent message to clerk not to come today. It may be the grace of ‘The all-merciful’, or whatever it may be, there was a door to bathroom in my bedroom, which was unlocked from outside and perhaps anger Rakesh had disremembered that. It was about to dusk. The whole body of Kashi was smeared with blood and was locked in another room.

   With this diary, I will escape through that bathroom door and handing the diary over to Kashi’s mother, I will return. What will happen, and then the omniscient knows.

   At last, this is my appeal to the society that my Kashi is not at all guilty. He is purely blameless, sinless, and guiltless. How much he bears well wishes and holly aspirations for this home, the omnipotent had to bless him as a descendant of this family. He is everything to this family. Only for the sake of egotism of landlord-ship, he has been treated as a servant to this family, but the reality is that without him this house is like a crematorium.

   If for this sin of me, my husband and father-in-law kill me then neither I will have any hesitation nor any sorrow. If I commit suicide then also I will not feel sorry. Taking birth in this world of vanity, and coming across Kashi, which sin I have committed, that is a sacrosanct sin for me. With the touch of his wise-preach, my inner soul has been purified. For me, Kashi is my God. In the eye of the society, though Kashi is an illiterate and fool, but whoever may be exposed to him, he will discern the real meaning of life. I have realized from his theosophical wisdom, that in this vice-virtue world ‘The sin’ is a relative term. It does not bear a specific meaning. With the consideration of place, time, and person, somewhere virtue is seen as a ‘sin’ and in other juncture a ‘sin’ is considered as a ‘virtue’.

Dear Kashi,

   This is certain that I will depart from this terrestrial globe before you. In the manners and customs of this society, my affinity with you is just like a cracked craft. A surge of water can make us drowned. I do not at all afraid of drowning but your life is laying very long ahead you. I was in need of a baby from you but I apprehended by the oppression of social ties. Still then, love is immortal and eternal.

   May not be in this life, may be in another entity we will unite, but until today, I could not answer to the tenor of your word ‘The sin’. However, today at this turn I am stating, because now my being is for a very short period, I confirmed. I am not sure whether this acknowledgement will reach you or not. To proclaim the relation between you and I, everyday night, I was documenting every minute happening between us in this diary.

   In this universe, the existence of ‘sin’ is nowhere. In general, ‘sin’ and ‘virtue’ are purely opposite, but if it is judged with keen intellect, both are born from same origin, that is ‘mind’. That is why; it has been inscribed in the epic ‘Shrimad Bhagava’”

 ‘Evil rests in the root of imagination. The being is unable to discern.’

   So once, whatever this mental faculty accepts as ‘sin’ it seems as ‘sin’ and accepts which as ‘virtue’ that becomes ‘virtue’. Understanding with inner-intellect, if it is seen that, a ‘virtue’ cannot be occurred without committing a ‘sin’.

   ‘To tame a bird a grasshopper has to be smitten.’  

    Offering rice to someone to earn virtue, seedling of paddy has to be cut.

     For the aim of prosperity with the pretence of virtue, is not to pluck the flowers at the prime of their essence, a ‘sin’? You say.

   ‘To make the Goddess contented, for the sake of fulfilling our desire, is not to roll the skulls of innocent animals beheading them, a ‘sin’?

   This is the law of nature. So the ‘sin’ within the ‘sin’, ‘virtue’ within the ‘virtue’ or, the ‘sin’ within ‘virtue’, ‘virtue’ within the ‘sin’ losses their identity.

   At last, ‘sin’ is a meaningless word, which a society creates to keep itself in a tie.

                                                        Yours beloved

                                                         Bhabiji Rebati.

   After skimming the diary, Anup became sure that, he could easily acquit Kashi with the help of this diary. In addition, in his mind, he thanked the almighty because, definitely, the definition of ‘sin’ in this Rebati’s diary will take a turn. At right time, the almighty accorded him the essential object of his fondest regard. Mentally, he decided to show this diary to Shibani in office, and one of its Xerox copy will give her to read. He also did that. Nevertheless, after going the diary through, not a minute change, he noticed in the attitude of Shibani, which compelled Anup to think of Shibani in another way. Shibani only with her obstinate, she is getting cheers in life.

*****

VI

   His each cell of blood, being ignited with the flame of love, his body, mind, and speech with the longing to be united has thrown him into an unbearable state.’ He is cogitating.

   Like an unseen incurable disease, this ‘ill in love’ state has totally swallowed him. However, he wants to get freedom from that, but there is no way to escape. Before Shibani, he has become powerless to maintain his self-respect. Albeit his life embeds with the chant of self-honor since his childhood, why has he lost the dictionary of self-reverence, he is in a state of quandary. Transforming himself as worthless and insignificant before Shibani in the avidity of copulation, one of the essential ingredients of love, he is now incapable to restrain himself. In sleep, dream, and awake, today he is scarred.

   He has essayed a number of times to dig out the foundation of the word ‘sin’ from the Shibani’s mind, but he is always a failure.

   ‘Even sometimes mislaying his egotism with his inner anger, he has made her understood the definition of ‘sin’, but as if after discerning everything, coition in love and that is in the state of being married is a ‘sin’’, with a dissimulation she says.

   As if, the sexual organs of Shibani are rather inactive, quiet, and passive than him. As though the hugging and kissing of Anup with Shibani, does not have any reaction on Shibani, whenever Anup cuddles her, sometimes Anup feels, she becomes very much perplexed in an ardent desire of sexual union. Nevertheless, in the twinkle an eye, impulsively she bursts to tell, it is sin just by jumping like a displaced star from its orbit to a distant horizon.

‘Today this unholy word ‘sin’ is the basic root of his peace less life’. Anup muses.

   This is the world’s most powerful word for him, which seems as a hindrance in his love. How will he phrase her so that she can understand, he is also in hazy. He has made understood her with the pith of the word ‘sin’ argued by Kashi with respect to a number of characters from the epics like Geeta, Shrimad Bhagabat and Ramayana but she is not appeased. In the mean time, he has made her clarified about the definition of ‘sin’ as stated by Kashi  in the relationship between Rebati and Kashi  and he has made her skimmed the diary of Rebati for two times, but as if with a  stubborn, the alternation in her attitude is not at all seen.

   Today his condition is reeling under such a situation, in every moment of his life, sexual union with Shibani is tormenting him. Musing about Shibani many a time, he has escaped luckily from accident during driving on his bike. Sometimes he feels as if, his existence in this world remained for a very short duration. Before eternal rest on this planet, perhaps the dream to leave a footprint on it, will be left as dream. This acrid pain will make him buried. When he was twelve, his father had left him to other world, but at that time, not a single drop of tear had trickled from his eyes down. However, today he is so poor, so humiliated and so disregarded in the obsession of an elusive mirage, which does not have any boundary.

Why is it so happening, he himself, unable to understand its cause from anywhere.

   He is not getting even its thread after looking for. Presently, his life is like an entangled bunch of thread in lusty love, from which tugging the thread, how much he is trying to arrange it, so much it is getting enmeshed. But, he never comprehends Shibani’s heart feelings. Day to day the life of both goes on in between office and home. Within this, the relationship becomes twelve years old. Even after all these happenings, the sorrow of soul of Anup and his weakness towards Shibani is still as it is. The passion to have copulation with her is still at its crest and rather it has multiplied.

   Within this period, the Sampark publishing house has published the real life story of Kashi collected by Anup as a small novel in the title of ‘the sin’ and the novel have become very much popular within the public. There, with the cooperation of Anup and Sharmaji the case of Kashi has been reopened in the honorable court and with the help of Rebati’s hand written diary, Kashi is released from jail. Moreover, he stays with his mother in village. In the release of Kashi from jail, all the villagers become very much delighted.

   As per the Anup’s commitment with the villagers, on behalf of his publishing house, Anup donates a large number of books to the village library of Kashi. The pundits Sura and Raghu become very much happy getting Kashi with them. Before relieve of Kashi, there the landlord Ranavir Samantray had passed away with the stroke of old age. His younger son Rakesh and elder one had left the village sailing all their lands. The elder son had settled in Calcutta and Rakesh purchasing a flat in Rourkela there had settled. There is no more landlord ship in village these days. Kashi and his mother are now living a new life in village. As before, Kashi has mingled with temple works again. He remains in same tune with the temple traditions and customs.

   Being strained with the time, the thread of affinity between Anup and Shibani are now so rock-ribbed, if a little ill feeling occurs in between them, either of them is unable to sleep in peace. Perchance there is not any other talk remained regarding sex in between Anup and Shibani. Every type of dialogue, Anup tells to Shibani. Since for years all other physical relationships except coition have been going on between Anup and Shibani. But, Shibani has never afforded an opportunity to Anup to have copulation with her. Always with one stand, it is ‘sin’ in Indian philosophy, and within woman tradition, it is perpetually a sin.

   The peace less and restless heart of Anup, many a time turns him lustful. Sometimes his mind revolts against her with the agony that, with the pretence of the word ‘sin’, she is continuing to hurt him.

Shibani associates with all the elements of modernity, he starts to muse.

   Every day in society, the happenings like this, she is hearing and reading. Only in front of me, she is just keeping to act up.

   Like this, thinking a lot in his mind, one day he determines, on coming Wednesday, definitely he will have sex with Shibani. Earlier Shibani has come to call upon his home several times. So on coming Wednesday, he will invite her to come to his home and on the same day, he will end the last twelve years perplexity and anxiety of his heart and mind.

   On Sunday, Anup with his wife Radha and son went to visit his father-in-law’s house. There he left his wife and son to stay for eight days as his son’s school vacation was going on. Now Anup is alone in the home. He decorated his bedroom exquisitely on Monday. On Tuesday to afford, a romantic look to his bedroom he has bought three beautiful photos and made those hung on the wall. To make the atmosphere of the room more alluring, he has placed two romantic framed photos beside the TV.

   He has sprayed a perfume in the bedroom to make it erotic. On the rack fitted to the head side of the bed, a very costly and aristocratic wine bottle, a water bottle, he has set just by the side of the alarm clock. The aura of his bedroom has become so fanciful that if any woman enters into that room, her mind will be glamorized. He has essayed to turn the room atmosphere further move aerial by changing the white color bulb with the very light color blue bulb.

   There he has kept loaded an erogenous scene of an English movie in DVD player besides the TV. Mentally he has planned, at the right time, he will switch on the DVD player so that Shibani will find herself in an uncontrolled zone and he will succeed in his aim. He has brought an available erotic perfume in the market and sprayed over the bed sheet and pillow.

   Out of those three photos hung on the wall, one displays a scene of hugging and kissing between one famous hero with a famous heroin of Hindi cinema.

   An amorous scene of a hero lay kissing on a heroin putting such a cloth on seems no cloth on.

   The postures about to copulation of a famous hero-heroin pair of English cinema has beautifully depicted in third photo.

   In Wednesday morning, collecting different verities of fresh roses, he has put those in the two flower vases kept on the wall shelves just in front of the bed.

   Anup’s relation with Shibani in office is in the as usual tune. On Tuesday, intentionally, he left the office in evening without saying anything to Shibani because he knows, if he leaves office ignoring her, surely next day, she will come to stand beside him. So, during return, if he proposes Shibani to go by his house Shibani cannot refuse and certainly she will go. That day Anup was totally without sleep at night. What will happen to the relationship between him and Shibani the day after tomorrow, he is in dilemma.

   However, he hears so much that, if once a woman makes coition with man then she can never forget him.

   Whatever it may be, it does not matter for him, because he is now very incapable to restrain his lust. Moreover, everything is fair in love and war. So, whether the threads of this affinity break or becomes more entangled, he does not have patience to think of it further.

   The word ‘sin’ of Shibani has totally turned the psychology of Anup. How will he react with Shibani when she comes? If Shibani returns her home at seven pm from here, there are not any difficulties for her as her husband is in Balasore. Again tomorrow is a holiday, so there is no pressure to come for next day. Therefore, he can enjoy Shibani here very quietly.

That night ends by musing all of these.

In morning getting up from bed, he freshens. After taking bath and finishing the worship in home, he goes outside to eat idly and Sambar as breakfast. That day, he reaches office early to 9.30 am. When Shibani reaches office at 9.45 am, he becomes surprised.

Good morning, Shibani said.

Morning, Anup wished.

Today, you have come before time. Shibani asked.

Why, what happened? Anup replied with a very serious tone.

Anup is still in angry since yesterday. She confirmed.

What was the breakfast, so she went near him, and standing by she asked.

Idli, Anup said.

Oh then it would be tasty. You would bring for me. She said.

I have not brought. Anup said.

Up to 3’ o clock, Anup remained in grim seriousness.

When will you go home? Shibani went near Anup’s table and asked.

Why, will you go with me to my home or what? Anup said somberly.

If you take, of course I will go. Eyeing Anup’s grave face, she said.

Anup did not tell her that there is not her wife in his home. He will say on way. He thought.

   It was already 4.20 pm. That day, as Sharmaji was absent and the day following was a holiday, all other staffs of the publishing house already had left the office.

Sir, you please go home. The peon Gaura came and said to Anup.

Anup and Shibani when came out of the office, it was about to 5 pm. Shibani stood outside the office and Anup soon bringing his bike from the stand stood near Shibani. Shibani sat on the bike.

   That day Shibani was looking gorgeous. No one can predict that Shibani is 38 now. A green color Sari with a dark green border and a black veil end was multiplying the novel pulchritude of Shibani. The dark green color blouse was in a perfect match with the Sari. The two modern imitation earrings in her ears were adding another sensation to her face. Besides a pair of synthetic sandal and red lac-dye in her feet with the beautiful silver foot-lace, was turning the look of her feet as if, the feet of a newly married woman. In the decorum of a married woman, with vermilion along the parting of her hair and kajal (eye cosmetic) in her eyelid as eyeliner, as if she seems like an angel. Anup rolled the bike on.

No one is there in my home. After a small distance on the way, he said Shibani.

I have sent Radha and my son to home of Radha’s mother for eight days. I am alone now.

That is why I could not have cooked and I had taken Idli as my breakfast outside. Now, what will we take to eat? You say.

Every day through which park they pass by, they reached at that spot. From there, Shibani said to take two Dosas and reached home at sharp 5.25 pm.  

   Anup is very impatient. Today he will never miss the opportunity. Both of them entered in to the house.

Have a wash to your face, he said to Shibani.

Shibani washed her face and then Anup also.

   Both of them sat on the dining table. They ate the Dosas and then ice creams there. Until washing of hands, times had reached to the stroke of 6 pm.  

   Anup called Shibani to his bedroom. When Shibani entered into the bedroom, she merged in ecstasy. She was also unable to ken the objective of decoration of the bedroom.

How much romantic Anup is? She was musing.

   In what a beautiful room, his wife is sleeping. Even not once, my husband has told me to decorate our bedroom like this. To that moment, sun already had settled in his mother’s lap. In dark, Anup switched on the sky blue bulb and said Shibani to sit on the bed. As earlier, Shibani sat on the bed. Shibani overwhelmed by intriguing the ambience minutely inside the room.

   Now, sitting contiguous to Shibani, Anup started to hold her hair. As earlier, he embraced her tightly. Squeezing her, he continued to kiss. Shibani was stagnant and speechless. Even he split himself to bite her lips amorously. Anup was in the search of every minute spot of her body. As if on that moment, Shibani was likely to lose her sense.

Today with the excuse of the word ‘sin’, Shibani cannot prevent me to have coition with her. Anup thought.

 Earlier, all these functions, Anup already had with her. Therefore, Shibani was not saying anything.

   It is quite late. I have to go home. Shibani just indicated him. At this moment of intimacy, Anup raised to untie her Sari. Still then, why was Shibani wordless at that moment? Perhaps today the pain of copulation has attracted her. The cupid had surmounted at this time. As if, her anatomy had lost her vigor. Just next, Anup totally untied the Sari from her body.

‘What is this? Why are you doing so? Did you fall so low?’ she expressed in vexation.

Since last long 12 years, I have been saying everything is okay. The relation should be there, but this is sin. Just delivering the speech, she slapped heavily on his cheek. She wore her Sari very quickly. The river of tears trickled down from the eyes of Anup but without letting her know, he wiped that out. But Shibani discerned the Anup’s crying.

You come to see me off. Shibani said with sour throat.

   Instantly, Anup came out of house. He took Shibani to bus stand and left her there. When he left Shibani, even neither of them did not eye at each other.

   Shibani stood waiting for her bus. While Anup returned leaving her at bus stop, she turned to look at him but the tears began to stream out from her eyes in such a way that it never stopped. Her veil of the Sari completely wetted. With the tears, her face already turned to a grayish look. Her heart was sobbing. Why did Anup do this with me? Why did I the cheap, slap him? She sat bending her head on to the seat and mused. At 8.30 pm, she got down at Cuttack.

   How much she is crying today, she had never cried so much since her birth. Why she was unable to control her tears even she was unable to discern. Her home was nearing. There will be her son, father-in-law, and mother-in-law. Therefore, with too much predicament she has wiped her tears. Stepping into her home suddenly, she rushed into her bathroom. She washed her face neatly.

‘I am having headache. I cannot do anything else any more. I am going to sleep and whatever you want you do.’ Just feeding her son, she said to her mother in law.

Did you take medicine? Mother-in-law asked.

Yes, I have had. She replied.

Just lying on the bed hiding her face on it, she continued to sob.

What will she do?

Why did I commit such a damn mistake? Sobbing whole night, the crack on the dawn arrived.

   Here the pain of Anup was inexpressible. He has torn all the romantic photos from his bedroom and has thrown into the dustbin. He has ravaged all the things present inside the room. The wine bottle, which he had brought, he has started to drink. Today, the whole life success for him is worthless and trifling. Nothing has any value in his life.

   ‘No one is of yours. What did I do wrong? Since two years more than a decade, chasing her like a lunatic, I have also lost many priceless and unreturned moments of my life. Pain and pang have been tormenting this heart always. What did happen? Ultimately, the end is this.’ He puzzled over.

   ‘In this way, he has roared himself in intoxication, but there is not at all any regret or repentance in his mind. His strong belief is that what he has done, that is his dues.’ He is hesitating.

    ‘since 12 years, as much I am in love with her with a pure heart, if he had fallen in love with lord Shib, definitely lord Shib would have blessed his but this fascinating lady looting whole of my heart, today she has become a pretender.’ He pondered.

   In this way, pondering in intoxication the night has ended. Everything seemed topsy-turvy for him after getting up from bed. The head was heavy. As if, he was not having enough mental stamina, to make stand himself before him anymore.   

   The incident of yesterday’s dusk has been perplexing him. Without any interest, just taking bath and putting the un-pressed shirts and pants on. He has left home, to bring the breakfast from outside even without worship.

   There, Shibani could not have forgiven her. In the fire of betray, as if she was burning to ash within her.

‘What did I do? Why did I slap? What will he be doing?’ Taking bath after getting up early morning, during the worship she was musing all these about Anup.

Oh God, please unite this relation again! She was praying the almighty with a hopeless heart.

A self-honoured man like Anup will never look at her further in life. Shibani knows.

   With an anxious mind, she has not controlled her emotion. It is 8.10 am in morning. Coming out from the worship room in home, she has picked up the mobile and has phoned Anup. At the time, Anup was driving the bike on C.R.P. square of Bhubaneswar.

   With a weak and feeble mind, Anup bearing the antipathy towards life was unable to recognize himself that he is driving his bike on CRP square of N.H-5. Suddenly his mobile has rung. Being frightened, at the time of bringing out his mobile from his pocket, his bike has taken a turn towards the middle of the road. A loaded truck coming from his backside with high speed has put a dread shove to his bikes backend. His bike has turned to fragments and he has been thrown out to a distance of 15 feet. The mobile was ringing but the ringing of life-guitar of Anup was stopped.

   The traffic police on the square have rushed to the spot to rescue him. However, everything was in halt except the mobile tune.

    Picking the mobile up, the traffic police has called up to the missed call number.

 ‘Hello! This is police. Whom are you speaking please? This person of yours has faced an accident.’ the traffic police telephoned.

Where, Shibani has asked.

On the C.R.P Square, you come quickly. The answer was there.

   Shibani has turned mad. As if the ground below her foot, has moved away. She could not have controlled her cry.

‘I am going. Anup of our office has faced an accident.’ She has risen to speak her mother-in-law

   Hiring an auto-rickshaw, when she reached at CRP square nothing was for her. Sitting by the side of dead body of Anup, she is stagnant.  

 How did it occur? She asked traffic police.

 ‘When he was coming driving the bike, his bike turned towards the middle of the road as he rose to bring his mobile out from his pocket to attend the call. A loaded truck with very high speed hit his bike behind.’ The traffic police narrated.

   After hearing this, Shibani has understood that she is the sole responsible for the death of Anup. she has sobbed to faint. People gathered around her have sprinkled water on her face and have made return her consciousness.

   From today, her life has become unbearable, quite, and painful. It is not within this birth, but in next seven births, she cannot forgive her. Her tears have converted into sobbing of her heart from today. Meaning of word ‘sin’, what she had discerned, that has been proved wrong from today. Since last 12 year, what she had done that was not sin, but what she committed today that is the real sin. To make other’s life painful is sin. Tying all these false tradition and culture in the veil, to loss the humanity is sin. Every other thing is false. She was also in a will to die with Anup but eyeing his 12 years old son and his wife, she has decided to live. She has held embracing Anup’s son from that moment, she has strongly determined so that she will bring Anup’s son up and will take care of his wife to expiate of her sins.

   From that day, the definition of ‘sin’ is only one. Man to loss his humanity is sin. To pain, or to hurt others is an act of sin and nothing else. The sin depicted in the religious books and epics and to which the society accepts, as ‘sin’ has become meaningless and undefined term before Shibani. The powerful arguments on the word ‘sin’ by Kashi has returned Shibani to another place, where she has lived bemoaning the true love of Anup. Even being with her husband and family, she has maintained a lonely life. She has lived with a dream to grow Anup’s son as Anup in future. Today in her loneliness with the unforgettable moments, she had spent with Anup, and with a wish to be whole for Anup in another life she is continuing to live.

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